Time for my annual post, :)

Haha, something about Nanowrimo time always reminds me, hey, I have a blog I haven't been on in ages.


I'm going to brain dump because frankly it's a good thing to do before you start writing a novel so your characters don't inadvertently end up musing over your own life issues and letting that get in the way of their own adventures.

While driving to my parents house today, in a beautiful sunny, yet cool, October afternoon, I was jamming out to the radio and Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams came on. I love that song, and I think it's because I identify with the loneliness inside the lyrics. Sometimes I walk and wish someone would find me. My whole life I've been hoping someone would find me. When I was a kid, and would go visit my grandparents in the small town of Barnsdall, I would walk home from their bar in the warm summer night air, and I would run, run like the devil was chasing me, down any street, ducking around a corner, hiding in the bushes or behind someones trash cans, trying to silence my breathing while my chest felt like it was bursting and I would listen. Listen for the footsteps of the person chasing me, looking for me, trying to find me. They were never there, and I'd give up and find my way home, but deep inside that urge to flee and be found still lingers even today.

Speaking of Barnsdall, wow, what a mind trip. That tiny town that has been dying over the years is actually one of the many filming locations for the upcoming movie August: Osage County, which stars big names like Meryl Streep, Ewan McGregor, Julia Roberts, and I think it's directed by George Clooney. He's either the director or producer, I'm not sure. It blows my mind. They are also shooting in Pawhuska and Bartlesville. Way to go Oklahoma! And coincidentally, the high school here in Choctaw is also performing the play by the same name, that the movie is based on. I really want to go see it.

What else is rattling away inside my hollow skull. Hmm. I've had some interesting experiences and set backs this year. I've been blessed with some wonderful opportunities, I've done some really fun volunteer work and met lots of lovely people. The dating life has pretty much sucked, but that's okay. I spent most of the year hung up on a cling on I couldn't let go of, but finally found the closure I needed. The holidays are hard when you are alone. I still tend to feel like my life isn't supposed to be like this, I wasn't supposed to be thirty something and alone, but then again it's the "supposed to be"s that get in the way of what could be, so I'm working on letting go of it. I'm trying to keep busy and keep expanding my horizons.

So yes, obviously I'm doing Nano again this year, but I have decided I am really going to do it and complete it this year. I've played the lame duck for the past three years and had plenty of excuses to get away with it, but no more. It's time to either get serious, or let go of the dream of being a writer. I get to be a co-ml this year, so that's fun, I can't wait to plan some events.

Kids are doing great, work is okay, and my dog still thinks she's my baby. Generally life is pretty good, and when a good song comes on the radio, I'm rocking it out till the windows vibrate. I am working on being more honest with myself too.

In light of that, I'm scared. Wow that's hard to say. Ever since I got divorced, I've felt like I have to be strong and fearless and capable and in control. The truth is I'm terrified sometimes, and I'm lost sometimes, and sometimes I really want to hide somewhere and be weak and recover so I can be strong again. I used to beat myself up for feeling that way, but really, who am I kidding? I'm not super woman, and I'm human, I fail sometimes, I'm weak sometimes, I'm scared. It's okay, doesn't mean I can't handle things, just means I need to take time for me sometimes. It's still amazing how hard it is to say that though. Then again, I remember a time when it was painful to hear someone tell me I was beautiful, and I couldn't say it myself. I got through that, I'll get through this too.

Well I guess I better close up. I need to update my other blogs too. I've actually completed several of my cranes, even though I haven't updated there in over a year. Maybe I'll take that one down though, I don't know. We'll see.

Mmm, lots of free space in my brain now, time to go think about my novel. Only three days left to plan! Oh, and if I don't see you again before Halloween, eat a piece of candy for me. ;)

I am still alive

Wow, so much has happened since I last posted, where to begin.

First off, I haven't been avoiding posting, and I have been busy but the main reason I haven't posted in so long is my desktop computer is screwed up and won't let me access any websites that require log in. I have no idea why, it's messed up and I have yet to figure it out and fix it. At any rate every time I attempted to log on here to add an update it refused to allow me and so I just gave up. I am on my laptop now though, and I'll try to be more regular from now on (but you know how I am, so good luck with that).

Oh, big news!! I'm officially divorced!! We finalized in August and I am now completely free and single again!! I got the alimony and child support I wanted as well as the house, and pretty much everything is going well now. There have been some points of contention between us as he refuses to take care of my daughter's allergies. We found out back in February or so that she is allergic to cats, dogs, milk, wheat and eggs, but he refuses to be considerate of this and had a cat and dog living in his house (which goes against our custody agreement) and more recently he was giving her eggnog which is basically milk, eggs and sugar. Why he refuses to take care of her with this I have no idea, it doesn't seem like rocket science to me but he takes it as a personal insult. He turns it into an me verses him thing instead of thinking about the fact it's our daughter's health. Ugh, I'll leave that alone for now.

In other news, I'm not really single any more as I have a boyfriend. Yep, I finally dipped my toe into the dating pools and after a few interesting and sometimes disastrous experiences I found a keeper. He is the most well balanced, kind hearted, sweet and loving man I think I may have ever met, and it kind of freaks me out sometimes because he is so easy going and handles everything so well. I'm not used to that. I'm used to people who freak out and go nuts on me, and he never does that. He's also incredibly honest, which is amazing, and so what I need right now. And he's incredibly patient with me, which as anyone who knows me I can spaz out and kind of freak a little at times and he doesn't get ruffled at all he just stays calm and holds firm and I settle down. It's the most amazing and incredible thing I've ever experienced, and I'm just in awe of him.

One caveat, he's younger than me. Eight years younger to be exact, and I sometimes struggle with that. It's entirely my own issue, age is totally not an issue between us and in fact we seem to get along together on just about every front wonderfully. To be honest I fought dating him at the beginning because of how young he was, but he persevered and we talked for hours on the phone and I finally gave in knowing that it was all in my head. He really is amazing, intelligent, soulful, loving, and sexy to boot. I'm crazy about him. Oh, and he absolutely loves bacon so I'll call him BaconBoy, although he did say he would give up all the bacon in the world for me, which I thought was incredibly sweet. Seriously, so crazy about him.

Let's see, what else. I'm still working at the medical center, and I'm pretty settled in now. I am apparently the comic relief and everyone in the business side of the office says the day drags when I'm not there. I think I'll be called into the office to get reprimanded soon because sometimes we get a little loud when we laugh, and I laugh a lot, but I'm trying to keep it in mind and keep it settled down.

The kids are back in school again and doing well. I haven't been doing much artistically or with my writing as I've been busy but I'm trying to get back into it and I've signed up for NaNoWriMo again. I hope I'm as successful this year as I was last year, but it will be challenging as I work and I'm a single parent now whereas last year I was a stay at home mom. I believe I can do it though. I still haven't edited Empathy from last year. I haven't even read it, bad me. I need to get with it.

Anyway, the kids want to play a card game and I need to finish up the laundry so I better go. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and in case I don't catch you before then, Happy Halloween!!

Be good, love lots, and stay warm. T out!

Sunday Morning

Well here I am trying to decide what to do with my Sunday and I remembered that I haven't updated in a couple of days so I decided to start here.

Last week was rough at work. Wednesday and Thursday kicked my butt, and at one point I decided that was it, I was leaving and I wasn't coming back. At lunch time I clocked out and I left. I drove over to Sonic to get something to eat and to call my mom but she wasn't home. I was crying and then the server came out with my lunch and she was so sweet! She talked to me and helped me feel better and I was really touched. Because of her I returned to work and turned it around. Friday was busy and hectic but I survived without wanting to escape.

Saturday I went out and bought art supplies. Yummy, delicious, rainbow colored art supplies. I bought this plastic lap tray thing that I think is meant for kids but it's perfect for me to use to draw or write or type on my laptop in bed. It has a cup holder that is perfect for a beverage or a cup of water for painting, plus a smaller bin just right for a snack or to tuck away supplies I'll need, or my mini-journals. The other side has a larger bin that is perfect for books, or even my mini-notebook. I love it!! I bought one for each of the kids too, I know they will love them. I also bought a waterbrush, traveling watercolor set, watercolor pencils, chalk and oil pastels, a sketch kit, some colored sharpies and a set of brush pens. I spent most of yesterday playing with them and exploring the colors and the applications and just enjoying them. I also read SARK books that I checked out from the library, and just felt wonderful all over.

Today I'll catch up on my chores. I have to finish the laundry which the final loads are in the machines now so that's almost done, then I need to clean the kitchen and pick up and vacuum the living room. You know I can never spell vacuum, I always spell it wrong and the fix it with spell check. I think today I'll write down the correct spelling and practice it till I can spell it correctly without the spell checker. Good thing to note! I also need to mow today, and return the video rentals, so I guess I'll be hopping today!

As for the SoCNoC, well it is now the 21st and I've only written one chapter. I may not make the goal but the story is finally shaping up in my head and I plan to write more today. I'll update more on that at the end of the month to let you know how I did. I'm proud of starting anyway, even if I fall short.

So what else is up, hmm. Well my birthday is this week. My 34th trip around the sun is coming to an end, and wow, what a trip this one has been!! So much has happened and changed, and I am not the same person I was 12 months ago. I wonder who I will be in another 12 months? It's exciting to find out. We have birthday parties at work each month so next week I get to celebrate with my work pals. This is strange to me because I've never worked on a birthday before, and it's kind of embarrassing and weird to have them celebrate like that and ask me what I want for a present. How do you tell your boss what to get you for your birthday? I struggled with it a lot, and for a long time I wished they would just ignore my birthday, I don't even really like celebrating it on my own, but finally I just gave in. There is another person who's birthday we are celebrating as well, so that helps. I asked my boss for SARK books, watercolor pencils, and screwdrivers. I think he might have gotten excited by the screwdrivers, he's a "tool guy". I mean that in that he likes to work with tools, not as in he is a "tool", he's not a tool. Anyway, my own plans for my birthday include meeting my parents and kids for dinner to eat Korean and then running out to see Transformers 2. I'm excited about that part! I'll also bake a coconut cake to share with the kids.

Man, I really want a LiveScribe Pulse Smartpen. I'm considering buying one for myself, but I can't decide if I should or not. There are so many neat applications for it, but would I really use it? If you have one or use one, comment or email me and tell me if I should buy one or not, because I'm really leaning. Me wants, me wants!! :)

Well, I can't think of anything else important to say, so I guess I'm outta here. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a glorious week!! Peace Love and Understanding to all!!

Solitary Saturday Morning

Hello everybody, and I hope you are having a wonderful weekend! I'm on my own today as the kids are with their dad, but that's okay because I have a LOT to do today. Since my computer is right next to the rabbit I just fed I decided to knock out a blog update before I get on with it.

First off, to all who have viewed my art blog, thank you! I appreciate the kind comments. I also should say that a lot of the sadder/angrier Post Secret cards were "Moment in time" type things. Since the ex and I finished the appointment with the lawyer we have finally been mostly getting along and a lot of the tension there has diffused. I'm being appreciated at work and definitely know I'm a valued member of the team now, as well that I am not alone in a LOT of things I thought I was alone in. Let me tell you, that is true about life, 100%. Whatever you THINK you are alone in, you aren't, and if you just reach out to people, you will find we are all the same and we are all suffering our own burdens and many of us are on the same road together, we just don't know it. Some are a little further ahead on the road though, and when you find them, you find hope.

Anyway, as to SoCNoC, hello, my name is Tina and I'm a procrastinator. Seriously, there should be an Procrastinators Anonymous group out there. Actually they probably have the idea but keep putting off scheduling the meetings. Ha! Oh my, I just was checking my spelling and look what I noticed: procrasTINAtor, my NAME is in the word! No wonder I'm a classic case! Procrastinate, I'm in that one too. Dang. Anyway, where was I, oh yes. So I haven't written any more than the 2500 I wrote a week or so ago, but my plan is to work out the story line today and get as much knocked out as I can. It occurred to me that I had lots of grand ideas for characters and scenes and events but no story line to tie them all together or give a purpose to the whole tale, so I'm working on that now. I also have a ton of laundry to do so it will be start a load of laundry, write for an hour, change loads, write for an hour, change loads, write, repeat until finished.

As for the art front, I am enjoying that venture. I went out and bought a large set of colored pencils, and I enjoy using them although I need to buy some for my daughter because she keeps wanting to take mine. I checked out a book on art and it said you shouldn't focus so much on the result, but on the experience, the journey of the creation, so that's my mind set. I may never be an "artist" in the sense that my pictures are desired or oohed after, but the joy of creating images is what I'm going after, even if those images are lumpy, asymmetrical, or otherwise just wrong. Heck, look at Picasso, you compare some of his paintings to classic realism and he looks like a nut who can't draw or paint to save his life, but take him in the context of cubism and abstract and he's incredible, so who is to say what is right or wrong in art? I remember when we went to the art museum here in the city and seeing some pieces that made me think "THAT is art?? *I* could do better than THAT!", yet that piece had meaning to someone and expressed some thought or emotion or something. I remember there is one on the third floor, and I can't remember what it's called but it really looks like a giant piece of dog poo, it's huge and really odd. I don't mean that in a bad way, but I would love to be able to ask the artist where or what he was going for there, because I didn't get it. Then again, maybe that was the point, to throw you off balance and make you uneasy, some artists go for that too. Who knows?

I checked out a bunch of books from the library. I have no idea why, I don't really have time to read right now but I love the illuminated journals, if you haven't read one go find one! There is Spilling Open by Sabrina Ward Harrison (I think), and I just got another one that I can't remember the name or author of but it's just crazy and wonderful. I also checked out a bunch of books by SARK, and I've barely started reading them but already I want to buy every book this woman ever put out, they are amazing!! If you haven't read one, go get one now!! Anyway, so now I have a whole stack of books to read through as well. I wish someone would give me an Amazon gift card for my birthday so I could just buy a couple of the best ones to save for later, but I guess I can always recheck them later when I have more time.

Oh, totally irrelevant but just because I took a break to eat and it reminded me, I have found a new salad that I totally love!! At the clinic where I work the drug reps come by and bring us lunch a few times a week. Well this last week one of the reps brought this salad that had grilled chicken and cheese in it, and he had this dressing, I have no idea what kind it was, Italian maybe, but it was good. Anyway, I loved this salad with the chicken and the cheese and everything, so I popped off to the store to buy some grilled chicken and I picked up some of the fajita chicken and wow, does that make a good salad!! I love it!! Yum, yum, yum! Anyway, I know it was off topic but it's yummy so I had to share.

My rabbit is crazy! I'm beginning to think she might not be a rabbit at all but a cat or monkey in disguise. She climbs things!! Seriously, this rabbit has gotten four feet off the ground by climbing things!! I find her on the back of the couch, in the entertainment cabinet behind the TV, on top of chairs, etc. Today I left the top of her cage open after feeding her and when I looked over she was on top of her cage. I have no idea how she got out, but she did! She's so goofy!

Anyway, I know I'm rambling so I'll close for now. I need to go get the laundry going and get back to writing. I WILL have a story line and at least 5-10K written by the end of today, I insist!! Wish me luck!

The Great SoCNoC Begins!!!

So of course I'm behind. ;) I decided at the eleventh hour to just yank out my notes for my opus and write it for SoCNoC. Gasp!! Yes, THE STORY, the opus I thought would take me years to write because I had to write it just right, it had to be perfect, and now on a whim I've decided to whip it out in a month. Sigh.

Actually I think this will be good. The problem with Opuses is that they can become so great you are afraid to ever start them for fear you won't do them the proper justice. By starting this now, this way, I know I'll beat out the rough idea, and then later I can polish it into the perfect dream that eats at my brain all the time. So now I just hope my Muse is with me, because I'm doing some pretty creative world building for the Opus. Oh, and Opus isn't it's name, but I love the title and I don't want someone stealing it from me before I finish so Opus is the undercover temp title, which is still better than the temp title I give most of my other work, Work In Progress or WIP. Nope, this story will never be a WIP, it's an Opus.

Anyway, so I have my goal, and I dug out my BIAM book (Book in a Month, for those who aren't synonym savvy), and I'm considering starting a journal from the point of view of my MC, just for a little extra depth for inspiration. I'm looking forward to a productive month, although I'm going to have to iron out committed writing time. I tried to write at lunch and ended up talking to a co-worker instead and ended up 10 minutes late and with nothing written. Bummer!! She's a very nice person though, so it was nice talking to her. Then I've spent most of the evening preparing to write but not actually writing anything. Getting up early would probably be a good idea but I'm such a grouch in the morning, and I like to sleep, so I don't know if I can do it or not. I guess we can try it and see.

Anyway, in other news I drove to downtown for the ball game, yea me!! I still get nervous driving but I did well and survived, even after getting lost. I think I'm going to be okay, really. It's interesting facing those old fears and then pushing through them. It makes you wonder why you took so long to start living your life. We also saw the movie UP, and I really liked the message in it too. Thinking about that couple and how they put off their dream of going to South America until it was too late really inspires me to make time for writing and work on it now, instead of letting it simmer on the back burner until it's too late.

Well, on Wednesday I go to see the lawyer and start the finalizing of my divorce. I have no idea if it will be amicable or not, the EX keeps fighting me left and right. I figure if he shows up, I'll file our mutual agreement. If he holds out, I'll work out an agreement with the lawyer and file that. If he doesn't like it, he can spend HIS money to hire a lawyer. I'm ready for it to be over, so over!!

I guess that's about all I have for now. Oh, I'm still writing in my journal, which is nice. I express myself more creatively there than I have in other journals before, it's a very liberating feeling. I think of the old days in high school and signing yearbooks, how you would write on diagonals and stuff, and I break out of the standard line by line writing. It's nice. I still suck at painting and stuff but oh well.

I hope you have a fabulous week and a beautiful June!! I turn 34 at the end of the month, thus ending my 34th trip around the sun. It's been one hell of a ride and my life has changed so much, I wonder what my 35th trip will bring? If the fates took requests I'd ask for a winning lottery ticket, a best selling novel, and a happy, healthy family, but I'm sure I'll manage and make do with whatever they throw at me. Not that that's a challenge, okay? You hear me Fates? Go easy on me!! ;)

Peace, Love and Tranquility always.

So busy, and yet I long for more apparently

Well once again it's been a moon and a half since I've written. Actually I guess it's been almost exactly a month. Well, time for some updates!!

First off, I finished my lessons, and I scored all A's on my finals, yea me! I planned on taking the next set of classes but I missed the deadline to sign up so I'll be starting the next set in June. I plan on taking the next courses in Excel and Accounting and a class in Medical Transcription if I can find the books I need.

The kids have finished school and are now enjoying their summer. I worked out a deal so that they won't spend the summer languishing in a dismal day care and instead get to split their days between their father, their grandparents (with pool!) and their mom. I guess it works it for everyone all around, other than the fact it's going to cost me triple in gas money, but I'm not paying for day care so it will probably even out.

As for the job front, well I finally got one!! The medical center hired me to digitize their files and give them more space on their shelves. My title is Medical Records Integration Specialist, try saying that three times fast! We call it MRIS for short. It's a pretty easy job now that I've got everything set up and flowing, but I'll admit it can get a little boring feeding paper into a scanner all day. Oh well, my boss keeps promising other projects so I'm sure I'll have plenty to keep my brain busy.

Oh, and I'm over my ex again. We are trying to finalize the divorce agreement so we can file and he is just being absurd. I meet with the lawyer in a week and hopefully it will all be over pretty soon. He finally moved all of his things out and we split the accounts and changed the names on all of the utilities, so it's almost over. It would be nice if he could get over being such a jerk and remember he is still a father, but oh well.

And finally, even though I'm still adjusting to being a working single mother, I decided to bite off the huge hunk that is SoCNoC (Southern Cross Novel Challenge). I have my participant icon in the sidebar and you can click it to check it out if you are interested. Basically it's NaNoWriMo for June. So as of June 1st, I'm going to try to write 50,000 words on a new novel. I really need this, I haven't written in months and I need something to kick me in the butt when I don't get to it. So it's time to start training again. I participated in SoCNoC last year but I started halfway through and only got to 35,000 before the end of the challenge. Since I've now participated in and won both NaNoWriMo and NaNoFiMo, I think I can really do SoCNoC, although it will be more of a challenge since I don't have as much free time now. Wish me luck!!

Well I better get off of here and get back to it. It's a holiday weekend and I've got the kids, but my son is sick so all of our grand plans kind of got tamped down a bit. Yesterday we cleaned house and then finally managed to get out and get some food and new summer clothes. Today I hope to finish cleaning and if everyone is up to it, we might go out and catch Night at the Museum. I really need to catch up this weekend though, as next weekend I won't have a full regular weekend because even though it's Ex's weekend with the kids, I will have them Saturday night to go to a baseball game with the staff from the clinic I work at. Someday I'll be all caught up and for five seconds I'll know what it's like to not be behind, then I'll remember something I was supposed to have done and I'll be off catching up again. :) It's always something!!

Have a great holiday weekend!! Take care!!

Everything is Beautiful

Evening has fallen, and I'm about to head off to bed. Tomorrow is Monday and we start the whole rush again. I had a pretty decent weekend, I got my grocery shopping done, got out for some Korean food, and worked on some things on the computer. I also came up with another story idea for the file.

Emphysema, my grandmother was in the hospital last week and has been diagnosed with Emphysema. I'm sad, but she smoked most of her life so really, it's not a big surprise. She's home now and on oxygen but otherwise doing fine. I love her.

Edward Cullens, so what is it exactly that makes Edward so sexy and hot and everything? Is it Bella's obsession with him? Is it his extreme good looks? Is it his mysterious life? Is it the danger and thrill of being so close to death? Is it the thrill of the chase? You can apply that to either the book Edward or the movie Edward, I don't care. Robert Pattinson was pretty yummy as Edward. I don't know, in the book the fact he was ice cold and marble hard was just too hard for me to get past. I'll admit I kept thinking "careful, you'll chip your teeth". Bad Tina, I know, but what can I say?

Education, my kids are thoroughly enjoying school. I am torn on that. On one hand, it kills me, I really loved homeschooling, and I wanted it to work. On the other hand, I'm so relieved they enjoy it and do well with it, and it's kind of nice to know it's taken care of. I started culling through the homeschooling stuff and getting rid of it. It's hard, but I'm getting there slowly.

Empathy, yes the novel is still untouched and unloved. Poor thing, I pour my heart and soul into writing it and then I loathe it for the bloated monster it's become. I did find a program this weekend called "Revision Hell" which is a class/challenge thing where you focus on revising 20 pages a day for (I think) two weeks. I'm thinking about trying this. I seem to do better with controlled deadlines and motivation like that, and with it only being two weeks it's not really long enough for me to procrastinate and goof off on like NaNo did. I'm also thinking about enrolling in Holly Lisle's "How to Think Sideways" course, although I'm still deciding if I can afford the almost $300 tuition. I know that has nothing to do with Empathy, but I might not be able to think of another "E" word to go into it with so I tossed it in here.

Early, well I do have to get up early tomorrow to get the kids off to school so I better close here. I could come up with more, but I guess I'll start thinking of "F". Okay, so I'm not every day but I have been sticking to the letters of the alphabet, so I can't be all bad. ;) Have a great week and take care!!

Mired but still Fighting

Hello, seriously I suck at this daily journaling thing. If journaling was something you could do five times a year and be good, I'd be golden, but remembering to be regular at it, that's hard. It's not that I don't have things to say, goodness no, I could blather on all day long, it's just taking the time to sit and type it all out and post it here that is the stickler.

Well what's new, hmm. I'm enrolled in some online classes. I'm taking accounting, admin assistant, Excel and computers for the workplace. All in the hopes that I'll get a job soon, high hopes, high hopes. Computers for the workplace is a cake walk, it's stuff I learned years ago but I'm hoping there will be a few tidbits in there I didn't know about before. Administrative Assistant is interesting, although kind of scary. Excel is a lot more fun than I thought it would be, I thought that would be the hard class and instead, it's the one I want to play on all the time. Accounting is kicking my rear. I'm so glad I took this class before enrolling in a whole four year accounting degree program, I would have been miserable!! I love money math, but Accounting takes money math and warps it into accounts, and accounts are weird! I'm trying to learn the whole "assets increase debit, liabilities increase credit" thing. That seems so backwards to me!! The only way I understand it is that it doesn't make any sense so it has to be that way. I'm hoping it will click in soon. Then there is the whole double reporting accounts, that warps my brain a little too. I'm doing well with it but I am very confused.

On the writing front I'm stalled out. I haven't written in two weeks. I've been trying to edit Empathy and I'm failing. I suck at macro editing, I have the first two chapters that need to be whittled down and reworked into a single chapter, and I can't seem to do it. I want to pull my hair out, scream, and burn the damn thing in effigy. Maybe I will, I still have it electronically backed up. I'm determined to get through it today if I have to tie myself to a chair to do it.

In other news, I am attempting to Twitter. Considering how frequent I am here you can imagine how great I'll be at that (not to mention do I ever do anything interesting enough to tweet about? I'm not sure). Conor Knighton, the host of infoMania, mentioned he twittered and I followed his link to check it out. Now I have all the people from infoMania followed, as I love those people. InfoMania was the one and only show I would watch, but now I also watch The Rotten Tomatoes show with Brett Erlich and Ellen Fox, and I am actually watching a show on television again (pause to gasp in shock), I'm watching Castle, with Nathan Fillion. I love Nathan Fillion, he's very entertaining to watch and also watching the main character, who is a writer, go through his though processes is pretty interesting. Although I will say, episode three did not have so much of the "writer" part in it. We'll see how long I can stand watching TV again before I give it up again.

Speaking of the writer process, I love to hear about how other writers do their thing. Well heck, I love to hear about how anyone does their thing, no matter what the job is. I chatted up the Department of Transportation guys at the job fair two weeks ago on how you make asphalt and the different purposes of surface materials, why? Well it's kind of interesting for one, and they were very friendly and willing to talk for two, and heck, you never know when that information might come in handy for three.

My process? Well first I get a bud of an idea, an image, a question, a person, and I start turning it over in my mind, like a pretty rock I'm trying to identify. Then come the questions, who is this, why is this, what is this, who cares? I keep asking questions and more and more of the idea comes into view, and then if I didn't start with a character, one will step out of the ether and begin to talk or react, and I'm looking at this person, and they begin to take shape and form and develop. I watch them, listen to them, see them move through situations and discover new things. Usually another character or two will slip out then, and they start to interact, further flushing themselves out. Then I start to see where they are headed, what they are doing, why the initial idea was important. I let them talk and play and explore in my head for a week or two, sometimes more, then one day, I sit down, and I write.

I also have an "office" where my characters apparently enjoy meeting up with me and chatting. It's odd because when they chat in my head, they discuss with each other, they don't interact with me at all, I'm an invisible observer, however when I'm in my "office" they step out and speak to me directly. They tell me what they are unhappy with, what they want to do, what they don't want to do, they crab at me for not writing about them, or for writing the wrong thing. Yep, they talk to me, in my "office", which happens to be my shower, I suppose because that's the one place in the world where for a few minutes I get peace and quiet and solitude, so why not have the spectres of the brain come out and harass me in there?? Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but I'm beginning to think you have to be a little crazy in order to be a writer. At the very least your normal has to be skewed a bit.

Other than that I've just been dealing and wheeling. I did get out this weekend and saw Paul Blart Mall Cop. Kevin James is funny. He has some skills on a sequeway too! I have no idea if that's the correct way to spell sequeway, I'll just say that now as I'm not sure spell check will know what the heck I mean and correct it. The kids just started school again after having a week off for spring break. They had a pretty good time, we went up to the Oklahoma Aquarium and to visit some family and then their cousins came out and spent some time with them and they went camping with their dad. I think they also went to the zoo and saw a couple of movies with their dad too (yes, while camping). They also went fishing and apparently caught several fish although they had to throw them all back because they didn't have something to bring them home in and my daughter was upset because she wanted to cook and eat her fish. Too funny! Oh, speaking of fish, at the OK Aquarium we saw a 98 pound blue catfish, that thing was a monster!! I love seeing huge fish, although sometimes they scare the crap out of me.

All in all, not too bad. The weather is getting warmer, although that means I'll have to clean the yard soon, which means the risk of snakes. I hate snakes, I hate them, I hate them I hate them, they scare the crap out of me. I'm such a wimp. I'm seriously considering moving into an apartment just so I don't have to deal with snakes. Of course with my luck, they would still end up there. Still, I prefer the warmer weather to the cold weather, and it's nice to be able to run around in shorts again.

Well I better get off here and see the kids off to school. I hope you have a beautiful day and take care of yourself!

A little more detail

Well I had my first job interview last night. All in all I thought it went well. I didn't cry and I didn't freak out, well at least not there, so hey, that's a success, right? I did cry and freak out at home, but then again, I have to go through those maelstroms to release that energy so I can breathe again. I still wish I could just stay home and write, but I know that I will get to that point someday.

I can't remember if I mentioned in the last post about my new story or not, but I'm writing a mystery. Actually, it's a psychological suspense, but I believe that's a sub genre of mystery, and if it's not, don't tell me because I'm doing this for a mystery class and I've had a hell of time working it out and I think I'm actually doing well for once, so leave me to my delusions. The mystery class is part of my local writing group, which I love. It's wonderful to go and sit with those ladies and just hear all the great stories. It's also nice to get to be just an adult for awhile without kids. My new story is really tense and kind of tricky because it's about a guy with all sorts of interesting neurosis's and issues and digging into that, both what causes it and what that makes him do, it's fascinating. I love to just crawl inside his head and look around, and see the world through his filters. Amazing!

I mentioned in my last post that I'm getting divorced. We haven't started the paperwork yet but it is definitely over. It's been almost two months now since he left, and I'm surprised at how well we all adjusted. It's really for the best, and I think we will both be happier in the long run, although I do mourn the loss of our relationship. My views on marriage are all screwed up now too, I don't know if I could ever do that again, but I guess if the right guy came along I would probably jump in again. I don't know, it's one of those things that I'm not planning on, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

The kids started public school and really enjoy it. It was hard on me at first losing our homeschooling, but I coped through it. I did cry when they got on the bus the first day, but really it was my daughter's first day ever to go off to school, and I cried when my son first went off to school in Kindergarten so it was to be expected. I'm such a girl sometimes. Anyway, I cried for a few minutes then I was okay, so all in all we adjusted well.

I found out my daughter was allergic to our pets so we had to give up our three cats and one dog. The other dog had been hurting and she was put down a few weeks prior. That was hard, and really tore up my ex. It was hard seeing him go through that. It broke my heart, he was so upset.

As for me, well I'm adjusting to being single and on my own. It's kind of weird, and kind of nice. It's a lot of responsibility, being the only parent, having to do all the cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids, all the errands, all the homework, everything, but I'm managing. My therapist said I was intelligent and doing a wonderful job coping. Actually everyone says I'm doing a wonderful job coping, only they say it in a weird way like they are shocked. I don't know if that means that they expect me to be a basket case or what, but it's odd. The other thing they all keep telling me is how I will find someone else, as if it would be bad for me to be alone. I think it would be good to be able to be okay alone, but I think it will be okay. There are some wonderful people out there, I've been blessed to know a few, and it would be wonderful to find one to keep. At the very least my heart beats and it lets me know I'm alive.

I absolutely love driving my car. It's so funny because I used to get so bugged out with driving, and I still get a little bugged out in some places, but I love that little green monster. It's funny because that model has a grill that people have said look like sharks teeth, and from the front it does look pretty aggressive for such a cute little sedan, but I love it. And after all this time, I find I like to drive fast. Not like insanely fast, but I'll admit I can finally understand why my ex always wanted to go five to ten miles over the speed limit. I would love to go someplace where you can just floor it, I love to accelerate. I'm sure there is some kind of sexual connotation to be made there, but I'll leave it up to you to make it. I love to have the radio up loud, singing along and just moving down the road. Beautiful!!

It's getting warmer here, and it looks like that damn groundhog might have been okay after all. I'm so ready for spring!! I keep checking the long outlook but everything is looking like it's getting warmer and warmer. We are actually supposed to get up to 76 later this week. Woohoo, heatwave!! I might just wash my car again.

Well I better close this up and eat something. I hope you all have a wonderful day! Peace, Love, and Cookies!!

I'm back

Well, after a long absence I'm finally back. Ever the Tina in Transition I have changed a lot in the time I was gone. My marriage is over, my children are no longer homeschooled, I no longer have pets and pretty soon I'll be a working girl again, but you know what, it's okay, it's glorious, and I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life.

In writing news, well I finished my NaNo book, which is currently tentatively titled "Empathy". I'm in the editing process now with it and I'm working on another story for my local writing group. My soul has embraced my desire to be a writer and I now know that one way or another I will keep working and moving forward to becoming a published author. It's kind of scary, but I know it will be worth it.

Other than that, I've been dealing with being a single mom, driving my car with renewed interest, enjoying the friendship and compassion that those who are close to me offer, and generally I'm surviving and thriving. I did miss blogging though, so I'm glad to have it back.

I wish you all the very best, and I'll post more soon. Peace, Love and Cookies!!