Time for my annual post, :)

Haha, something about Nanowrimo time always reminds me, hey, I have a blog I haven't been on in ages.


I'm going to brain dump because frankly it's a good thing to do before you start writing a novel so your characters don't inadvertently end up musing over your own life issues and letting that get in the way of their own adventures.

While driving to my parents house today, in a beautiful sunny, yet cool, October afternoon, I was jamming out to the radio and Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams came on. I love that song, and I think it's because I identify with the loneliness inside the lyrics. Sometimes I walk and wish someone would find me. My whole life I've been hoping someone would find me. When I was a kid, and would go visit my grandparents in the small town of Barnsdall, I would walk home from their bar in the warm summer night air, and I would run, run like the devil was chasing me, down any street, ducking around a corner, hiding in the bushes or behind someones trash cans, trying to silence my breathing while my chest felt like it was bursting and I would listen. Listen for the footsteps of the person chasing me, looking for me, trying to find me. They were never there, and I'd give up and find my way home, but deep inside that urge to flee and be found still lingers even today.

Speaking of Barnsdall, wow, what a mind trip. That tiny town that has been dying over the years is actually one of the many filming locations for the upcoming movie August: Osage County, which stars big names like Meryl Streep, Ewan McGregor, Julia Roberts, and I think it's directed by George Clooney. He's either the director or producer, I'm not sure. It blows my mind. They are also shooting in Pawhuska and Bartlesville. Way to go Oklahoma! And coincidentally, the high school here in Choctaw is also performing the play by the same name, that the movie is based on. I really want to go see it.

What else is rattling away inside my hollow skull. Hmm. I've had some interesting experiences and set backs this year. I've been blessed with some wonderful opportunities, I've done some really fun volunteer work and met lots of lovely people. The dating life has pretty much sucked, but that's okay. I spent most of the year hung up on a cling on I couldn't let go of, but finally found the closure I needed. The holidays are hard when you are alone. I still tend to feel like my life isn't supposed to be like this, I wasn't supposed to be thirty something and alone, but then again it's the "supposed to be"s that get in the way of what could be, so I'm working on letting go of it. I'm trying to keep busy and keep expanding my horizons.

So yes, obviously I'm doing Nano again this year, but I have decided I am really going to do it and complete it this year. I've played the lame duck for the past three years and had plenty of excuses to get away with it, but no more. It's time to either get serious, or let go of the dream of being a writer. I get to be a co-ml this year, so that's fun, I can't wait to plan some events.

Kids are doing great, work is okay, and my dog still thinks she's my baby. Generally life is pretty good, and when a good song comes on the radio, I'm rocking it out till the windows vibrate. I am working on being more honest with myself too.

In light of that, I'm scared. Wow that's hard to say. Ever since I got divorced, I've felt like I have to be strong and fearless and capable and in control. The truth is I'm terrified sometimes, and I'm lost sometimes, and sometimes I really want to hide somewhere and be weak and recover so I can be strong again. I used to beat myself up for feeling that way, but really, who am I kidding? I'm not super woman, and I'm human, I fail sometimes, I'm weak sometimes, I'm scared. It's okay, doesn't mean I can't handle things, just means I need to take time for me sometimes. It's still amazing how hard it is to say that though. Then again, I remember a time when it was painful to hear someone tell me I was beautiful, and I couldn't say it myself. I got through that, I'll get through this too.

Well I guess I better close up. I need to update my other blogs too. I've actually completed several of my cranes, even though I haven't updated there in over a year. Maybe I'll take that one down though, I don't know. We'll see.

Mmm, lots of free space in my brain now, time to go think about my novel. Only three days left to plan! Oh, and if I don't see you again before Halloween, eat a piece of candy for me. ;)

Happy Halloween!

I'm back, trying to refocus and recommit. It's Halloween, the night when the veil between the living and the dead spreads thin and things escape across those feather boundaries. Supposedly anyway. It's also a night when darkly robed munchkins march across neighborhoods patting down random strangers for sweet treats, followed by an insane sugar high when they finally succumb to sore feet and drag their loot home.

Took the kids trick or treating, actually to be fair I took my daughter trick or treating. My son decided he was too old to trick or treat with mom and chose to go out with his friends. Ah, how quickly they grow up.

Met up with one of my daughter's best friends, which was cool. It's always better when they have a pal to loot with. I chatted with her dad, which was great because he knew some neighborhood dirt. I never know any gossip, but it's interesting to hear what is going on behind those closed doors and glowing windows. Three bags of treats later we finally came home, to find we had almost as many stickers (goat head burrs for those of you not from the south) as we did candy. I insisted we stop in the entry way to pick them all out before they got tracked across the carpet. My feet do not like finding stickers by touch.

It's also the eve of NaNoWriMo!! Yea!! I do believe I'll do it this year. Last year that I completed was 2008, right before the end of my marriage. I attempted a year or two ago but was still in the throes of adjusting to single working mother status and just couldn't keep up. I think I'm on an even keel enough now, I can pull it out. Plus the kids are going to be gone three out of the four weekends this month, so good chance to catch up. Don't know what NaNoWriMo is? Click on the banner button on my sidebar and check out the craziness yourself. Better yet, challenge yourself to join in the fun!! It's addictive!

Other news, still single. If I mentioned a boyfriend in my last post, he's long gone by now. Colder weather does make being single more difficult to take though, it begs for cuddling. Currently flirting with a firefighter though, so who knows, perhaps I'll soon be engulfed in the flames of passion and romance again.

My Cranes list is still an ongoing project. I haven't updated that blog in awhile but I have been working on my cranes. I'll be updating it this week and preparing to get it back on track. I had planned on starting a new goal to accomplish one crane a day for a year. It will be challenging but doable.

In other news I have a new job since the last time I posted (which was over a year ago, so obviously lots has happened). I'm now an accounting assistant, which I love. It's a great job, lots of benefits, and I feel like a real valuable member of a team now. I just wish the commute didn't suck so much. Oh well, you can't have everything.

Well I better get to bed, but I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween, Samhain, All Hallows Eve, and All Souls Day or Dia De Los Muertos, or whatever cusp or eve or night of amazement you celebrate this time of year.

Peace, love and cookies!

I am still alive

Wow, so much has happened since I last posted, where to begin.

First off, I haven't been avoiding posting, and I have been busy but the main reason I haven't posted in so long is my desktop computer is screwed up and won't let me access any websites that require log in. I have no idea why, it's messed up and I have yet to figure it out and fix it. At any rate every time I attempted to log on here to add an update it refused to allow me and so I just gave up. I am on my laptop now though, and I'll try to be more regular from now on (but you know how I am, so good luck with that).

Oh, big news!! I'm officially divorced!! We finalized in August and I am now completely free and single again!! I got the alimony and child support I wanted as well as the house, and pretty much everything is going well now. There have been some points of contention between us as he refuses to take care of my daughter's allergies. We found out back in February or so that she is allergic to cats, dogs, milk, wheat and eggs, but he refuses to be considerate of this and had a cat and dog living in his house (which goes against our custody agreement) and more recently he was giving her eggnog which is basically milk, eggs and sugar. Why he refuses to take care of her with this I have no idea, it doesn't seem like rocket science to me but he takes it as a personal insult. He turns it into an me verses him thing instead of thinking about the fact it's our daughter's health. Ugh, I'll leave that alone for now.

In other news, I'm not really single any more as I have a boyfriend. Yep, I finally dipped my toe into the dating pools and after a few interesting and sometimes disastrous experiences I found a keeper. He is the most well balanced, kind hearted, sweet and loving man I think I may have ever met, and it kind of freaks me out sometimes because he is so easy going and handles everything so well. I'm not used to that. I'm used to people who freak out and go nuts on me, and he never does that. He's also incredibly honest, which is amazing, and so what I need right now. And he's incredibly patient with me, which as anyone who knows me I can spaz out and kind of freak a little at times and he doesn't get ruffled at all he just stays calm and holds firm and I settle down. It's the most amazing and incredible thing I've ever experienced, and I'm just in awe of him.

One caveat, he's younger than me. Eight years younger to be exact, and I sometimes struggle with that. It's entirely my own issue, age is totally not an issue between us and in fact we seem to get along together on just about every front wonderfully. To be honest I fought dating him at the beginning because of how young he was, but he persevered and we talked for hours on the phone and I finally gave in knowing that it was all in my head. He really is amazing, intelligent, soulful, loving, and sexy to boot. I'm crazy about him. Oh, and he absolutely loves bacon so I'll call him BaconBoy, although he did say he would give up all the bacon in the world for me, which I thought was incredibly sweet. Seriously, so crazy about him.

Let's see, what else. I'm still working at the medical center, and I'm pretty settled in now. I am apparently the comic relief and everyone in the business side of the office says the day drags when I'm not there. I think I'll be called into the office to get reprimanded soon because sometimes we get a little loud when we laugh, and I laugh a lot, but I'm trying to keep it in mind and keep it settled down.

The kids are back in school again and doing well. I haven't been doing much artistically or with my writing as I've been busy but I'm trying to get back into it and I've signed up for NaNoWriMo again. I hope I'm as successful this year as I was last year, but it will be challenging as I work and I'm a single parent now whereas last year I was a stay at home mom. I believe I can do it though. I still haven't edited Empathy from last year. I haven't even read it, bad me. I need to get with it.

Anyway, the kids want to play a card game and I need to finish up the laundry so I better go. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and in case I don't catch you before then, Happy Halloween!!

Be good, love lots, and stay warm. T out!