Or trying to be anyway. As you might know, I have a love/hate thing with Post Secret. I love the idea, I love the post cards, I love the secrets, it just creeps my craw that this guy is making all this money off of everyone else's deepest darkest secrets, but whatever. I mean he had a great idea, and I guess I should give him props for that, and if he was just making money off of the kindness of strangers it would be one thing, but these are people reaching out and hoping to be heard, it seems kind of like taking advantage of them somehow, but that's probably just me.
Anyway, my point is, I do love the books, and the website, and even his Twitter posts, and I know deep down inside he is helping people in his own way (and he does support Suicide Prevention, so it's not like he's laughing to the bank, he's a good person, really). I love the images and the art in the postcards, and I always think "I wish I could express myself like that!"
Except of course I'm not artistic. I can barely draw a stick figure, and I can't paint to save my life. But I want, OH how I want to!!
So I decided to go for it, I'm making Post Secret post cards and I'm drawing and I'm painting and I'm being artistic. Even if I suck at it. Why? Because I want to, and why should it matter if I suck? Why can't I express what my heart has to say, even if it's in a horrible drawing?
Will I mail them to PS? Probably not, at least not any time soon, but maybe someday. For now, I'm tucking them into my new journal, which cost $40 and is handmade with thick, rough hewn paper and I believe it's meant to be a watercolor sketch book but I love it. There is so much TEXTURE to it, the cover, the paper, everything, you just FEEL the solidity of it. It feels like whatever is captured there should be important, and for months I waited to find something important and worthy of that fine book, and finally I decided I was going to GIVE that book to myself, to mess up, to screw up, to draw funny pictures and write stupid things and scribble and scrawl in, and I wasn't going to stop and ask myself "Is this worthy of being in a $40 book?" but instead I would joyfully express myself and relish the freedom and know that *I* AM worthy of being as stupid or silly or screwed up as I want to be in a $40 book, or even a more expensive book. I am worth every drop of ink and every handcrafted page.
How often do we save the best thinking we aren't good enough for it today? I actually have another beautiful handcrafted book I bought over 10 years ago and I've carried around with me for years, through countless moves and through three states, waiting for something brilliant and beautiful and worthy of those fine pages. When I finish the journal I'm working in now, I'm going to use that one next. I'm going to revel in spilling my perfect imperfections all across those delicate pages, and knowing that when someone picks up that book they will sense that something special is contained inside and when they open it, they will find me, the real me, the raw me, the messy and imperfect me, and it will be wonderful!
So if you have always wished you could paint, or hoped you could draw, or even dreamed to be able to glue two pieces of paper together in a flattering way, give in TODAY!! Grab those materials and create something, pour your heart into it and scrawl your truths, your deepest darkest secrets, across that canvas you create. Make something that speaks from your heart, and don't worry about what it looks like or what anyone else will think, just enjoy the moment, enjoy the freedom of expressing yourself in the way you have always dreamed of. Do it today. And if you are really brave, send it to Post Secrets, I'm sure part of the proceeds of those books go to charity anyway.
Someday if I'm really brave, maybe I'll post a few of my cards here. Maybe.
Have a beautiful day, and let your inner soul out to play. You only have one life to live, so stop hiding from it and get out there!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
So busy, and yet I long for more apparently
Well once again it's been a moon and a half since I've written. Actually I guess it's been almost exactly a month. Well, time for some updates!!
First off, I finished my lessons, and I scored all A's on my finals, yea me! I planned on taking the next set of classes but I missed the deadline to sign up so I'll be starting the next set in June. I plan on taking the next courses in Excel and Accounting and a class in Medical Transcription if I can find the books I need.
The kids have finished school and are now enjoying their summer. I worked out a deal so that they won't spend the summer languishing in a dismal day care and instead get to split their days between their father, their grandparents (with pool!) and their mom. I guess it works it for everyone all around, other than the fact it's going to cost me triple in gas money, but I'm not paying for day care so it will probably even out.
As for the job front, well I finally got one!! The medical center hired me to digitize their files and give them more space on their shelves. My title is Medical Records Integration Specialist, try saying that three times fast! We call it MRIS for short. It's a pretty easy job now that I've got everything set up and flowing, but I'll admit it can get a little boring feeding paper into a scanner all day. Oh well, my boss keeps promising other projects so I'm sure I'll have plenty to keep my brain busy.
Oh, and I'm over my ex again. We are trying to finalize the divorce agreement so we can file and he is just being absurd. I meet with the lawyer in a week and hopefully it will all be over pretty soon. He finally moved all of his things out and we split the accounts and changed the names on all of the utilities, so it's almost over. It would be nice if he could get over being such a jerk and remember he is still a father, but oh well.
And finally, even though I'm still adjusting to being a working single mother, I decided to bite off the huge hunk that is SoCNoC (Southern Cross Novel Challenge). I have my participant icon in the sidebar and you can click it to check it out if you are interested. Basically it's NaNoWriMo for June. So as of June 1st, I'm going to try to write 50,000 words on a new novel. I really need this, I haven't written in months and I need something to kick me in the butt when I don't get to it. So it's time to start training again. I participated in SoCNoC last year but I started halfway through and only got to 35,000 before the end of the challenge. Since I've now participated in and won both NaNoWriMo and NaNoFiMo, I think I can really do SoCNoC, although it will be more of a challenge since I don't have as much free time now. Wish me luck!!
Well I better get off of here and get back to it. It's a holiday weekend and I've got the kids, but my son is sick so all of our grand plans kind of got tamped down a bit. Yesterday we cleaned house and then finally managed to get out and get some food and new summer clothes. Today I hope to finish cleaning and if everyone is up to it, we might go out and catch Night at the Museum. I really need to catch up this weekend though, as next weekend I won't have a full regular weekend because even though it's Ex's weekend with the kids, I will have them Saturday night to go to a baseball game with the staff from the clinic I work at. Someday I'll be all caught up and for five seconds I'll know what it's like to not be behind, then I'll remember something I was supposed to have done and I'll be off catching up again. :) It's always something!!
Have a great holiday weekend!! Take care!!
First off, I finished my lessons, and I scored all A's on my finals, yea me! I planned on taking the next set of classes but I missed the deadline to sign up so I'll be starting the next set in June. I plan on taking the next courses in Excel and Accounting and a class in Medical Transcription if I can find the books I need.
The kids have finished school and are now enjoying their summer. I worked out a deal so that they won't spend the summer languishing in a dismal day care and instead get to split their days between their father, their grandparents (with pool!) and their mom. I guess it works it for everyone all around, other than the fact it's going to cost me triple in gas money, but I'm not paying for day care so it will probably even out.
As for the job front, well I finally got one!! The medical center hired me to digitize their files and give them more space on their shelves. My title is Medical Records Integration Specialist, try saying that three times fast! We call it MRIS for short. It's a pretty easy job now that I've got everything set up and flowing, but I'll admit it can get a little boring feeding paper into a scanner all day. Oh well, my boss keeps promising other projects so I'm sure I'll have plenty to keep my brain busy.
Oh, and I'm over my ex again. We are trying to finalize the divorce agreement so we can file and he is just being absurd. I meet with the lawyer in a week and hopefully it will all be over pretty soon. He finally moved all of his things out and we split the accounts and changed the names on all of the utilities, so it's almost over. It would be nice if he could get over being such a jerk and remember he is still a father, but oh well.
And finally, even though I'm still adjusting to being a working single mother, I decided to bite off the huge hunk that is SoCNoC (Southern Cross Novel Challenge). I have my participant icon in the sidebar and you can click it to check it out if you are interested. Basically it's NaNoWriMo for June. So as of June 1st, I'm going to try to write 50,000 words on a new novel. I really need this, I haven't written in months and I need something to kick me in the butt when I don't get to it. So it's time to start training again. I participated in SoCNoC last year but I started halfway through and only got to 35,000 before the end of the challenge. Since I've now participated in and won both NaNoWriMo and NaNoFiMo, I think I can really do SoCNoC, although it will be more of a challenge since I don't have as much free time now. Wish me luck!!
Well I better get off of here and get back to it. It's a holiday weekend and I've got the kids, but my son is sick so all of our grand plans kind of got tamped down a bit. Yesterday we cleaned house and then finally managed to get out and get some food and new summer clothes. Today I hope to finish cleaning and if everyone is up to it, we might go out and catch Night at the Museum. I really need to catch up this weekend though, as next weekend I won't have a full regular weekend because even though it's Ex's weekend with the kids, I will have them Saturday night to go to a baseball game with the staff from the clinic I work at. Someday I'll be all caught up and for five seconds I'll know what it's like to not be behind, then I'll remember something I was supposed to have done and I'll be off catching up again. :) It's always something!!
Have a great holiday weekend!! Take care!!
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