Hello everybody, and I hope you are having a wonderful weekend! I'm on my own today as the kids are with their dad, but that's okay because I have a LOT to do today. Since my computer is right next to the rabbit I just fed I decided to knock out a blog update before I get on with it.
First off, to all who have viewed my art blog, thank you! I appreciate the kind comments. I also should say that a lot of the sadder/angrier Post Secret cards were "Moment in time" type things. Since the ex and I finished the appointment with the lawyer we have finally been mostly getting along and a lot of the tension there has diffused. I'm being appreciated at work and definitely know I'm a valued member of the team now, as well that I am not alone in a LOT of things I thought I was alone in. Let me tell you, that is true about life, 100%. Whatever you THINK you are alone in, you aren't, and if you just reach out to people, you will find we are all the same and we are all suffering our own burdens and many of us are on the same road together, we just don't know it. Some are a little further ahead on the road though, and when you find them, you find hope.
Anyway, as to SoCNoC, hello, my name is Tina and I'm a procrastinator. Seriously, there should be an Procrastinators Anonymous group out there. Actually they probably have the idea but keep putting off scheduling the meetings. Ha! Oh my, I just was checking my spelling and look what I noticed: procrasTINAtor, my NAME is in the word! No wonder I'm a classic case! Procrastinate, I'm in that one too. Dang. Anyway, where was I, oh yes. So I haven't written any more than the 2500 I wrote a week or so ago, but my plan is to work out the story line today and get as much knocked out as I can. It occurred to me that I had lots of grand ideas for characters and scenes and events but no story line to tie them all together or give a purpose to the whole tale, so I'm working on that now. I also have a ton of laundry to do so it will be start a load of laundry, write for an hour, change loads, write for an hour, change loads, write, repeat until finished.
As for the art front, I am enjoying that venture. I went out and bought a large set of colored pencils, and I enjoy using them although I need to buy some for my daughter because she keeps wanting to take mine. I checked out a book on art and it said you shouldn't focus so much on the result, but on the experience, the journey of the creation, so that's my mind set. I may never be an "artist" in the sense that my pictures are desired or oohed after, but the joy of creating images is what I'm going after, even if those images are lumpy, asymmetrical, or otherwise just wrong. Heck, look at Picasso, you compare some of his paintings to classic realism and he looks like a nut who can't draw or paint to save his life, but take him in the context of cubism and abstract and he's incredible, so who is to say what is right or wrong in art? I remember when we went to the art museum here in the city and seeing some pieces that made me think "THAT is art?? *I* could do better than THAT!", yet that piece had meaning to someone and expressed some thought or emotion or something. I remember there is one on the third floor, and I can't remember what it's called but it really looks like a giant piece of dog poo, it's huge and really odd. I don't mean that in a bad way, but I would love to be able to ask the artist where or what he was going for there, because I didn't get it. Then again, maybe that was the point, to throw you off balance and make you uneasy, some artists go for that too. Who knows?
I checked out a bunch of books from the library. I have no idea why, I don't really have time to read right now but I love the illuminated journals, if you haven't read one go find one! There is Spilling Open by Sabrina Ward Harrison (I think), and I just got another one that I can't remember the name or author of but it's just crazy and wonderful. I also checked out a bunch of books by SARK, and I've barely started reading them but already I want to buy every book this woman ever put out, they are amazing!! If you haven't read one, go get one now!! Anyway, so now I have a whole stack of books to read through as well. I wish someone would give me an Amazon gift card for my birthday so I could just buy a couple of the best ones to save for later, but I guess I can always recheck them later when I have more time.
Oh, totally irrelevant but just because I took a break to eat and it reminded me, I have found a new salad that I totally love!! At the clinic where I work the drug reps come by and bring us lunch a few times a week. Well this last week one of the reps brought this salad that had grilled chicken and cheese in it, and he had this dressing, I have no idea what kind it was, Italian maybe, but it was good. Anyway, I loved this salad with the chicken and the cheese and everything, so I popped off to the store to buy some grilled chicken and I picked up some of the fajita chicken and wow, does that make a good salad!! I love it!! Yum, yum, yum! Anyway, I know it was off topic but it's yummy so I had to share.
My rabbit is crazy! I'm beginning to think she might not be a rabbit at all but a cat or monkey in disguise. She climbs things!! Seriously, this rabbit has gotten four feet off the ground by climbing things!! I find her on the back of the couch, in the entertainment cabinet behind the TV, on top of chairs, etc. Today I left the top of her cage open after feeding her and when I looked over she was on top of her cage. I have no idea how she got out, but she did! She's so goofy!
Anyway, I know I'm rambling so I'll close for now. I need to go get the laundry going and get back to writing. I WILL have a story line and at least 5-10K written by the end of today, I insist!! Wish me luck!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
So you think you can Draw
Okay, so I started drawing in a journal a few weeks ago. Nothing big, just a little doodle here and there. Then I started creating Post Secret post cards (that I will probably never send in, but I enjoy making them just the same). Well now I've joined a Yahoo group called Every Day Matters and they encourage you to draw something every week and share it.
So since I'm going to have to scan and load the images up on the internet somewhere, I decided to create a blog for them. There is a link in the sidebar there, if you want to check it out. Be warned though, I am NOT an artist, I'm just enjoying the attempts.
In other news I finally wrote some of my SoCNoC. I'm still horribly behind but then again I'm further ahead than I was with NaNoWriMo, I didn't start writing it until 15 days in. Wish me luck!!
So since I'm going to have to scan and load the images up on the internet somewhere, I decided to create a blog for them. There is a link in the sidebar there, if you want to check it out. Be warned though, I am NOT an artist, I'm just enjoying the attempts.
In other news I finally wrote some of my SoCNoC. I'm still horribly behind but then again I'm further ahead than I was with NaNoWriMo, I didn't start writing it until 15 days in. Wish me luck!!
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Great SoCNoC Begins!!!
So of course I'm behind. ;) I decided at the eleventh hour to just yank out my notes for my opus and write it for SoCNoC. Gasp!! Yes, THE STORY, the opus I thought would take me years to write because I had to write it just right, it had to be perfect, and now on a whim I've decided to whip it out in a month. Sigh.
Actually I think this will be good. The problem with Opuses is that they can become so great you are afraid to ever start them for fear you won't do them the proper justice. By starting this now, this way, I know I'll beat out the rough idea, and then later I can polish it into the perfect dream that eats at my brain all the time. So now I just hope my Muse is with me, because I'm doing some pretty creative world building for the Opus. Oh, and Opus isn't it's name, but I love the title and I don't want someone stealing it from me before I finish so Opus is the undercover temp title, which is still better than the temp title I give most of my other work, Work In Progress or WIP. Nope, this story will never be a WIP, it's an Opus.
Anyway, so I have my goal, and I dug out my BIAM book (Book in a Month, for those who aren't synonym savvy), and I'm considering starting a journal from the point of view of my MC, just for a little extra depth for inspiration. I'm looking forward to a productive month, although I'm going to have to iron out committed writing time. I tried to write at lunch and ended up talking to a co-worker instead and ended up 10 minutes late and with nothing written. Bummer!! She's a very nice person though, so it was nice talking to her. Then I've spent most of the evening preparing to write but not actually writing anything. Getting up early would probably be a good idea but I'm such a grouch in the morning, and I like to sleep, so I don't know if I can do it or not. I guess we can try it and see.
Anyway, in other news I drove to downtown for the ball game, yea me!! I still get nervous driving but I did well and survived, even after getting lost. I think I'm going to be okay, really. It's interesting facing those old fears and then pushing through them. It makes you wonder why you took so long to start living your life. We also saw the movie UP, and I really liked the message in it too. Thinking about that couple and how they put off their dream of going to South America until it was too late really inspires me to make time for writing and work on it now, instead of letting it simmer on the back burner until it's too late.
Well, on Wednesday I go to see the lawyer and start the finalizing of my divorce. I have no idea if it will be amicable or not, the EX keeps fighting me left and right. I figure if he shows up, I'll file our mutual agreement. If he holds out, I'll work out an agreement with the lawyer and file that. If he doesn't like it, he can spend HIS money to hire a lawyer. I'm ready for it to be over, so over!!
I guess that's about all I have for now. Oh, I'm still writing in my journal, which is nice. I express myself more creatively there than I have in other journals before, it's a very liberating feeling. I think of the old days in high school and signing yearbooks, how you would write on diagonals and stuff, and I break out of the standard line by line writing. It's nice. I still suck at painting and stuff but oh well.
I hope you have a fabulous week and a beautiful June!! I turn 34 at the end of the month, thus ending my 34th trip around the sun. It's been one hell of a ride and my life has changed so much, I wonder what my 35th trip will bring? If the fates took requests I'd ask for a winning lottery ticket, a best selling novel, and a happy, healthy family, but I'm sure I'll manage and make do with whatever they throw at me. Not that that's a challenge, okay? You hear me Fates? Go easy on me!! ;)
Peace, Love and Tranquility always.
Actually I think this will be good. The problem with Opuses is that they can become so great you are afraid to ever start them for fear you won't do them the proper justice. By starting this now, this way, I know I'll beat out the rough idea, and then later I can polish it into the perfect dream that eats at my brain all the time. So now I just hope my Muse is with me, because I'm doing some pretty creative world building for the Opus. Oh, and Opus isn't it's name, but I love the title and I don't want someone stealing it from me before I finish so Opus is the undercover temp title, which is still better than the temp title I give most of my other work, Work In Progress or WIP. Nope, this story will never be a WIP, it's an Opus.
Anyway, so I have my goal, and I dug out my BIAM book (Book in a Month, for those who aren't synonym savvy), and I'm considering starting a journal from the point of view of my MC, just for a little extra depth for inspiration. I'm looking forward to a productive month, although I'm going to have to iron out committed writing time. I tried to write at lunch and ended up talking to a co-worker instead and ended up 10 minutes late and with nothing written. Bummer!! She's a very nice person though, so it was nice talking to her. Then I've spent most of the evening preparing to write but not actually writing anything. Getting up early would probably be a good idea but I'm such a grouch in the morning, and I like to sleep, so I don't know if I can do it or not. I guess we can try it and see.
Anyway, in other news I drove to downtown for the ball game, yea me!! I still get nervous driving but I did well and survived, even after getting lost. I think I'm going to be okay, really. It's interesting facing those old fears and then pushing through them. It makes you wonder why you took so long to start living your life. We also saw the movie UP, and I really liked the message in it too. Thinking about that couple and how they put off their dream of going to South America until it was too late really inspires me to make time for writing and work on it now, instead of letting it simmer on the back burner until it's too late.
Well, on Wednesday I go to see the lawyer and start the finalizing of my divorce. I have no idea if it will be amicable or not, the EX keeps fighting me left and right. I figure if he shows up, I'll file our mutual agreement. If he holds out, I'll work out an agreement with the lawyer and file that. If he doesn't like it, he can spend HIS money to hire a lawyer. I'm ready for it to be over, so over!!
I guess that's about all I have for now. Oh, I'm still writing in my journal, which is nice. I express myself more creatively there than I have in other journals before, it's a very liberating feeling. I think of the old days in high school and signing yearbooks, how you would write on diagonals and stuff, and I break out of the standard line by line writing. It's nice. I still suck at painting and stuff but oh well.
I hope you have a fabulous week and a beautiful June!! I turn 34 at the end of the month, thus ending my 34th trip around the sun. It's been one hell of a ride and my life has changed so much, I wonder what my 35th trip will bring? If the fates took requests I'd ask for a winning lottery ticket, a best selling novel, and a happy, healthy family, but I'm sure I'll manage and make do with whatever they throw at me. Not that that's a challenge, okay? You hear me Fates? Go easy on me!! ;)
Peace, Love and Tranquility always.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Learning to be artistic
Or trying to be anyway. As you might know, I have a love/hate thing with Post Secret. I love the idea, I love the post cards, I love the secrets, it just creeps my craw that this guy is making all this money off of everyone else's deepest darkest secrets, but whatever. I mean he had a great idea, and I guess I should give him props for that, and if he was just making money off of the kindness of strangers it would be one thing, but these are people reaching out and hoping to be heard, it seems kind of like taking advantage of them somehow, but that's probably just me.
Anyway, my point is, I do love the books, and the website, and even his Twitter posts, and I know deep down inside he is helping people in his own way (and he does support Suicide Prevention, so it's not like he's laughing to the bank, he's a good person, really). I love the images and the art in the postcards, and I always think "I wish I could express myself like that!"
Except of course I'm not artistic. I can barely draw a stick figure, and I can't paint to save my life. But I want, OH how I want to!!
So I decided to go for it, I'm making Post Secret post cards and I'm drawing and I'm painting and I'm being artistic. Even if I suck at it. Why? Because I want to, and why should it matter if I suck? Why can't I express what my heart has to say, even if it's in a horrible drawing?
Will I mail them to PS? Probably not, at least not any time soon, but maybe someday. For now, I'm tucking them into my new journal, which cost $40 and is handmade with thick, rough hewn paper and I believe it's meant to be a watercolor sketch book but I love it. There is so much TEXTURE to it, the cover, the paper, everything, you just FEEL the solidity of it. It feels like whatever is captured there should be important, and for months I waited to find something important and worthy of that fine book, and finally I decided I was going to GIVE that book to myself, to mess up, to screw up, to draw funny pictures and write stupid things and scribble and scrawl in, and I wasn't going to stop and ask myself "Is this worthy of being in a $40 book?" but instead I would joyfully express myself and relish the freedom and know that *I* AM worthy of being as stupid or silly or screwed up as I want to be in a $40 book, or even a more expensive book. I am worth every drop of ink and every handcrafted page.
How often do we save the best thinking we aren't good enough for it today? I actually have another beautiful handcrafted book I bought over 10 years ago and I've carried around with me for years, through countless moves and through three states, waiting for something brilliant and beautiful and worthy of those fine pages. When I finish the journal I'm working in now, I'm going to use that one next. I'm going to revel in spilling my perfect imperfections all across those delicate pages, and knowing that when someone picks up that book they will sense that something special is contained inside and when they open it, they will find me, the real me, the raw me, the messy and imperfect me, and it will be wonderful!
So if you have always wished you could paint, or hoped you could draw, or even dreamed to be able to glue two pieces of paper together in a flattering way, give in TODAY!! Grab those materials and create something, pour your heart into it and scrawl your truths, your deepest darkest secrets, across that canvas you create. Make something that speaks from your heart, and don't worry about what it looks like or what anyone else will think, just enjoy the moment, enjoy the freedom of expressing yourself in the way you have always dreamed of. Do it today. And if you are really brave, send it to Post Secrets, I'm sure part of the proceeds of those books go to charity anyway.
Someday if I'm really brave, maybe I'll post a few of my cards here. Maybe.
Have a beautiful day, and let your inner soul out to play. You only have one life to live, so stop hiding from it and get out there!
Anyway, my point is, I do love the books, and the website, and even his Twitter posts, and I know deep down inside he is helping people in his own way (and he does support Suicide Prevention, so it's not like he's laughing to the bank, he's a good person, really). I love the images and the art in the postcards, and I always think "I wish I could express myself like that!"
Except of course I'm not artistic. I can barely draw a stick figure, and I can't paint to save my life. But I want, OH how I want to!!
So I decided to go for it, I'm making Post Secret post cards and I'm drawing and I'm painting and I'm being artistic. Even if I suck at it. Why? Because I want to, and why should it matter if I suck? Why can't I express what my heart has to say, even if it's in a horrible drawing?
Will I mail them to PS? Probably not, at least not any time soon, but maybe someday. For now, I'm tucking them into my new journal, which cost $40 and is handmade with thick, rough hewn paper and I believe it's meant to be a watercolor sketch book but I love it. There is so much TEXTURE to it, the cover, the paper, everything, you just FEEL the solidity of it. It feels like whatever is captured there should be important, and for months I waited to find something important and worthy of that fine book, and finally I decided I was going to GIVE that book to myself, to mess up, to screw up, to draw funny pictures and write stupid things and scribble and scrawl in, and I wasn't going to stop and ask myself "Is this worthy of being in a $40 book?" but instead I would joyfully express myself and relish the freedom and know that *I* AM worthy of being as stupid or silly or screwed up as I want to be in a $40 book, or even a more expensive book. I am worth every drop of ink and every handcrafted page.
How often do we save the best thinking we aren't good enough for it today? I actually have another beautiful handcrafted book I bought over 10 years ago and I've carried around with me for years, through countless moves and through three states, waiting for something brilliant and beautiful and worthy of those fine pages. When I finish the journal I'm working in now, I'm going to use that one next. I'm going to revel in spilling my perfect imperfections all across those delicate pages, and knowing that when someone picks up that book they will sense that something special is contained inside and when they open it, they will find me, the real me, the raw me, the messy and imperfect me, and it will be wonderful!
So if you have always wished you could paint, or hoped you could draw, or even dreamed to be able to glue two pieces of paper together in a flattering way, give in TODAY!! Grab those materials and create something, pour your heart into it and scrawl your truths, your deepest darkest secrets, across that canvas you create. Make something that speaks from your heart, and don't worry about what it looks like or what anyone else will think, just enjoy the moment, enjoy the freedom of expressing yourself in the way you have always dreamed of. Do it today. And if you are really brave, send it to Post Secrets, I'm sure part of the proceeds of those books go to charity anyway.
Someday if I'm really brave, maybe I'll post a few of my cards here. Maybe.
Have a beautiful day, and let your inner soul out to play. You only have one life to live, so stop hiding from it and get out there!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
So busy, and yet I long for more apparently
Well once again it's been a moon and a half since I've written. Actually I guess it's been almost exactly a month. Well, time for some updates!!
First off, I finished my lessons, and I scored all A's on my finals, yea me! I planned on taking the next set of classes but I missed the deadline to sign up so I'll be starting the next set in June. I plan on taking the next courses in Excel and Accounting and a class in Medical Transcription if I can find the books I need.
The kids have finished school and are now enjoying their summer. I worked out a deal so that they won't spend the summer languishing in a dismal day care and instead get to split their days between their father, their grandparents (with pool!) and their mom. I guess it works it for everyone all around, other than the fact it's going to cost me triple in gas money, but I'm not paying for day care so it will probably even out.
As for the job front, well I finally got one!! The medical center hired me to digitize their files and give them more space on their shelves. My title is Medical Records Integration Specialist, try saying that three times fast! We call it MRIS for short. It's a pretty easy job now that I've got everything set up and flowing, but I'll admit it can get a little boring feeding paper into a scanner all day. Oh well, my boss keeps promising other projects so I'm sure I'll have plenty to keep my brain busy.
Oh, and I'm over my ex again. We are trying to finalize the divorce agreement so we can file and he is just being absurd. I meet with the lawyer in a week and hopefully it will all be over pretty soon. He finally moved all of his things out and we split the accounts and changed the names on all of the utilities, so it's almost over. It would be nice if he could get over being such a jerk and remember he is still a father, but oh well.
And finally, even though I'm still adjusting to being a working single mother, I decided to bite off the huge hunk that is SoCNoC (Southern Cross Novel Challenge). I have my participant icon in the sidebar and you can click it to check it out if you are interested. Basically it's NaNoWriMo for June. So as of June 1st, I'm going to try to write 50,000 words on a new novel. I really need this, I haven't written in months and I need something to kick me in the butt when I don't get to it. So it's time to start training again. I participated in SoCNoC last year but I started halfway through and only got to 35,000 before the end of the challenge. Since I've now participated in and won both NaNoWriMo and NaNoFiMo, I think I can really do SoCNoC, although it will be more of a challenge since I don't have as much free time now. Wish me luck!!
Well I better get off of here and get back to it. It's a holiday weekend and I've got the kids, but my son is sick so all of our grand plans kind of got tamped down a bit. Yesterday we cleaned house and then finally managed to get out and get some food and new summer clothes. Today I hope to finish cleaning and if everyone is up to it, we might go out and catch Night at the Museum. I really need to catch up this weekend though, as next weekend I won't have a full regular weekend because even though it's Ex's weekend with the kids, I will have them Saturday night to go to a baseball game with the staff from the clinic I work at. Someday I'll be all caught up and for five seconds I'll know what it's like to not be behind, then I'll remember something I was supposed to have done and I'll be off catching up again. :) It's always something!!
Have a great holiday weekend!! Take care!!
First off, I finished my lessons, and I scored all A's on my finals, yea me! I planned on taking the next set of classes but I missed the deadline to sign up so I'll be starting the next set in June. I plan on taking the next courses in Excel and Accounting and a class in Medical Transcription if I can find the books I need.
The kids have finished school and are now enjoying their summer. I worked out a deal so that they won't spend the summer languishing in a dismal day care and instead get to split their days between their father, their grandparents (with pool!) and their mom. I guess it works it for everyone all around, other than the fact it's going to cost me triple in gas money, but I'm not paying for day care so it will probably even out.
As for the job front, well I finally got one!! The medical center hired me to digitize their files and give them more space on their shelves. My title is Medical Records Integration Specialist, try saying that three times fast! We call it MRIS for short. It's a pretty easy job now that I've got everything set up and flowing, but I'll admit it can get a little boring feeding paper into a scanner all day. Oh well, my boss keeps promising other projects so I'm sure I'll have plenty to keep my brain busy.
Oh, and I'm over my ex again. We are trying to finalize the divorce agreement so we can file and he is just being absurd. I meet with the lawyer in a week and hopefully it will all be over pretty soon. He finally moved all of his things out and we split the accounts and changed the names on all of the utilities, so it's almost over. It would be nice if he could get over being such a jerk and remember he is still a father, but oh well.
And finally, even though I'm still adjusting to being a working single mother, I decided to bite off the huge hunk that is SoCNoC (Southern Cross Novel Challenge). I have my participant icon in the sidebar and you can click it to check it out if you are interested. Basically it's NaNoWriMo for June. So as of June 1st, I'm going to try to write 50,000 words on a new novel. I really need this, I haven't written in months and I need something to kick me in the butt when I don't get to it. So it's time to start training again. I participated in SoCNoC last year but I started halfway through and only got to 35,000 before the end of the challenge. Since I've now participated in and won both NaNoWriMo and NaNoFiMo, I think I can really do SoCNoC, although it will be more of a challenge since I don't have as much free time now. Wish me luck!!
Well I better get off of here and get back to it. It's a holiday weekend and I've got the kids, but my son is sick so all of our grand plans kind of got tamped down a bit. Yesterday we cleaned house and then finally managed to get out and get some food and new summer clothes. Today I hope to finish cleaning and if everyone is up to it, we might go out and catch Night at the Museum. I really need to catch up this weekend though, as next weekend I won't have a full regular weekend because even though it's Ex's weekend with the kids, I will have them Saturday night to go to a baseball game with the staff from the clinic I work at. Someday I'll be all caught up and for five seconds I'll know what it's like to not be behind, then I'll remember something I was supposed to have done and I'll be off catching up again. :) It's always something!!
Have a great holiday weekend!! Take care!!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Another late update
Hello again. I know, my updating skills suck. I just have a hard time being regular about much of anything. Let's see what's been going on.
Job hunt is still on but getting warmer. I had an interview this past week with a CDC (child development center) for the position of a receptionist. I figured it would be a great cross over from my teaching days to my new office clerk days. The director really liked me, she thought I was really funny and she was really interested in my book. I think she will be calling me this week to talk about a position. The only problem? The receptionist has to drive the bus. Well first off, I don't have a CDL, and second off, even if I did I don't think I could handle driving something as big as a bus, and third off, even if I could drive something that big, I don't think I could do it full of kids. Bummer. She mentioned they have a part time position with the infants though, and I'm considering that. I didn't want to get back into working with the children, but the hours would allow me to get home before my kids get home from school and I would get to spend time with babies, which should take care of the baby fever that springs up from time to time. We'll see, it will depend on the pay and benefits but I'm hopeful. The medical center I interviewed with week before last also called and approached me with a developing project of digitizing all their old medical files. I love the idea of a challenge like that! I don't know that I'm the right person for them but I'm meeting with them on Monday to discuss my recommendations for the project.
My kids are getting closer to finishing the school year. They just had the land run at school this past Friday and my son was in the performance. They really love their school and they both were awarded with student of the month at the awards ceremony and my daughter won best dressed girl for her costume as well. They are really happy there, I'm so happy for them.
As for me, well I haven't been writing, I am behind in my lessons and I'm behind in my housework. I'm also fighting off some kind of sinus thing. I thought it was a cold but I'm beginning to think it's an allergy thing due to the hay from the rabbit. All I know is I'm miserable a lot and sneezing a lot.
I rented a few movies this weekend and watched The Women, The Day the Earth Stood Still, and Seven Pounds. The Women kicked my ass, I don't know why I rented a movie about a woman who finds out her husband is having an affair. I cried when she found out and was dealing with it. Apparently I'm still too raw for that. The Day the Earth Stood Still was pretty good, although my son and I did not like the insects that ate everything. We are both scaredy cats and cowered while my daughter informed us when it was safe to look again. Seven Pounds confused me at the beginning then when I figured it out I was kind of on the fence as I'm personally against organ donation. It was touching that he helped those people and gave so much of himself, but it was painful to watch as well. All in all, I can't wait till the summer blockbusters are out in theaters so I can see something exciting.
I've been missing my ex. I had hoped I was past this. I've come to terms with the fact that he wasn't the man I thought he was. I've accepted that this is the best thing for us. I'm not sure why I still long for him and wish it could all be fixed. Maybe its because in movies it always works out in the end. Maybe it's because part of me still hopes the man I loved really is inside of him and will come out and come back. Maybe I'm still scared to be totally alone, I don't know. I just wish someone could tell me when it will be over. It's so much easier to get through something when you can look at the time in the future when it will be over, but I don't know when that will be. A year from now? Will I be okay with it then? Will I feel this way forever? Am I hanging onto it, or do I need to grieve through it and let go? Do I need to focus somewhere else? How do I cope, how do I get through this? How do you reset when you devoted your life to someone and suddenly that's over? For now I take it one day at a time, and tomorrow will be laundry, lessons, running the kids around, reading with them, cooking dinner, and whatever else I can squeeze in.
I'm sure in time we all get through it. Thanks for reading.
Job hunt is still on but getting warmer. I had an interview this past week with a CDC (child development center) for the position of a receptionist. I figured it would be a great cross over from my teaching days to my new office clerk days. The director really liked me, she thought I was really funny and she was really interested in my book. I think she will be calling me this week to talk about a position. The only problem? The receptionist has to drive the bus. Well first off, I don't have a CDL, and second off, even if I did I don't think I could handle driving something as big as a bus, and third off, even if I could drive something that big, I don't think I could do it full of kids. Bummer. She mentioned they have a part time position with the infants though, and I'm considering that. I didn't want to get back into working with the children, but the hours would allow me to get home before my kids get home from school and I would get to spend time with babies, which should take care of the baby fever that springs up from time to time. We'll see, it will depend on the pay and benefits but I'm hopeful. The medical center I interviewed with week before last also called and approached me with a developing project of digitizing all their old medical files. I love the idea of a challenge like that! I don't know that I'm the right person for them but I'm meeting with them on Monday to discuss my recommendations for the project.
My kids are getting closer to finishing the school year. They just had the land run at school this past Friday and my son was in the performance. They really love their school and they both were awarded with student of the month at the awards ceremony and my daughter won best dressed girl for her costume as well. They are really happy there, I'm so happy for them.
As for me, well I haven't been writing, I am behind in my lessons and I'm behind in my housework. I'm also fighting off some kind of sinus thing. I thought it was a cold but I'm beginning to think it's an allergy thing due to the hay from the rabbit. All I know is I'm miserable a lot and sneezing a lot.
I rented a few movies this weekend and watched The Women, The Day the Earth Stood Still, and Seven Pounds. The Women kicked my ass, I don't know why I rented a movie about a woman who finds out her husband is having an affair. I cried when she found out and was dealing with it. Apparently I'm still too raw for that. The Day the Earth Stood Still was pretty good, although my son and I did not like the insects that ate everything. We are both scaredy cats and cowered while my daughter informed us when it was safe to look again. Seven Pounds confused me at the beginning then when I figured it out I was kind of on the fence as I'm personally against organ donation. It was touching that he helped those people and gave so much of himself, but it was painful to watch as well. All in all, I can't wait till the summer blockbusters are out in theaters so I can see something exciting.
I've been missing my ex. I had hoped I was past this. I've come to terms with the fact that he wasn't the man I thought he was. I've accepted that this is the best thing for us. I'm not sure why I still long for him and wish it could all be fixed. Maybe its because in movies it always works out in the end. Maybe it's because part of me still hopes the man I loved really is inside of him and will come out and come back. Maybe I'm still scared to be totally alone, I don't know. I just wish someone could tell me when it will be over. It's so much easier to get through something when you can look at the time in the future when it will be over, but I don't know when that will be. A year from now? Will I be okay with it then? Will I feel this way forever? Am I hanging onto it, or do I need to grieve through it and let go? Do I need to focus somewhere else? How do I cope, how do I get through this? How do you reset when you devoted your life to someone and suddenly that's over? For now I take it one day at a time, and tomorrow will be laundry, lessons, running the kids around, reading with them, cooking dinner, and whatever else I can squeeze in.
I'm sure in time we all get through it. Thanks for reading.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Fire, Family, Future, and the end of the AlphaBlog
First off, I'm ditching the Alphablog idea. Ironic in the fact that this post starts with "F" anyway, but whatever.
Well a lot has been going one while I've been gone! We had a wildfire here in Oklahoma (okay technically we had several, I don't remember how many, but we had one here in the OKC area that I'm talking about). I first found out about the fire when my kids called me outside to ask about the "red clouds" in the sky. At first I thought it was dirt stirred up from the winds (we had crazy winds that day), but then I noticed the smell and realized it was smoke. I told the kids something was burning and came in to check it out on the TV. Sure enough, wildfires across the state including one here locally, but it was seven miles away so I didn't think anything of it. I muted the TV and started working on homework with the kids. About 30 minutes later we realize we can hear someone talking so I jump up and check the front door and the police are outside yelling for everyone to evacuate.
Okay at this point I think the fire is still miles away so we just grab our shoes and keys and hop in the car and pull out. I didn't even think about grabbing clothes, medicine, pictures, anything. I thought we were being evacuated just as a precaution. It wasn't until I pulled out of our neighborhood and started towards my parents house that I realized how wrong I was. White ash sprinkled down on our car and the smell of smoke made my sinuses hurt. I realized the fire was a lot closer than we last heard and I started calling everyone I knew trying to get a scope on what was going on.
We drove out to my parents house and let ourselves in as they were in town shopping. I turned on the TV and watched in horror as they showed the fire approaching the high school next to my neighborhood and then the helicopter panned over to show the line of fire trucks on the road east of my house. They were drawing the line there hoping to stop the fire from spreading further. Of course that didn't help anything BEFORE that road, which happened to be where my home was.
Over the next few hours I watched the news, hoping for some sign that things would be okay. I couldn't pull away from it, and I cried and cursed and desperately hoped for a miracle. Two hours later they panned across my neighborhood again and my heart fell. The sweep of the camera was swift but I could clearly make out a line of fire devouring the fence that lined the back of the houses on my street. I didn't have time to count out which house it was at, but it didn't matter, if it was that far there was nothing to stop it.
My son turned off the TV, insisting that it was torture to continue watching it. I couldn't argue, I was lost. I kept trying to reach my ex-husband, who still did not know what was going on or that his children might now be homeless. A few hours later I finally reached him.
He insisted that the house was fine and that he was going to go there and see for himself. I told him he couldn't get to it and he said nobody would keep him from HIS house (never mind the fact that it's supposed to be MY house now). He drove as close as he could and then set off on foot to find the house. Yes, in the middle of wildfires, and the middle of the night as it was 11pm by this point, he set off on foot to walk two+ miles to check on the house. I begged him not to do it, his kids begged him not to do it, his parents begged him not to do it, co-workers and friends called him and told him not to do it. He did it anyway. He got lost, wandered a mile off course, but three hours later he finally made it.
He called me. The house had survived. The fire had devoured our fence and melted the pool and burned up part of the yard but the fire department got there and put it out as it was climbing the neighbors' tree. Thank goodness, that tree touches my roof and if it had climbed much higher my house would have been gone. We still had our home.
Two doors down they weren't so lucky. That house and the house next to it both burned down. It's devastating, heartbreaking, and amazing how some houses burned and others didn't. The house three doors down belonged to the family of a friend of my children's. I can't tell you how many times that sweet little boy would ring our doorbell asking if my kids can come out to play. He's not there now, but they are safe, and hopefully they will be able to rebuild.
Two of my daughter's classmates lost their homes, and four in my son's class are also dealing with the loss. The good side is nobody was hurt. As for us, the insurance adjuster came on Monday, by Wednesday the money was in the bank and the dumpster comes next week so we can start the clean up. We had no phone or internet for a few days, and the water and electric have come and gone a few times as the utility companies scramble to repair and replace the transformers and wells that were damaged, but life moves forward.
In other news, I had a job interview today. I'm still hoping for a job that will give me benefits and a decent wage but it's a struggle. The people I interviewed with today seemed interested but they don't offer insurance. I'm not sure if it will work out or not, but I guess I'll call next week and find out if they want me or not. If not, hopefully I'll still hear back from some other feelers.
This Sunday is my grandmother's 80th birthday. We are all getting together to celebrate, which should be fun. Tomorrow I'll bake a cake for her, and map out the directions to her house as I'll be driving there alone for the first time.
I'm doing well with my online lessons. I fell behind due to the fire and the lack of internet but my plan is to catch up this weekend. Next week is the last two lessons and then I'll have a couple of weeks off before the next set start. The plus side is by the time the next session starts the kids will be almost done with school so I won't have to work out their homework as well as mine. Hopefully I'll have a job by then as well.
Well I better close this up. I'm sure I had more to talk about but the kids have left and I need to get some things done. Have a great weekend!!
Well a lot has been going one while I've been gone! We had a wildfire here in Oklahoma (okay technically we had several, I don't remember how many, but we had one here in the OKC area that I'm talking about). I first found out about the fire when my kids called me outside to ask about the "red clouds" in the sky. At first I thought it was dirt stirred up from the winds (we had crazy winds that day), but then I noticed the smell and realized it was smoke. I told the kids something was burning and came in to check it out on the TV. Sure enough, wildfires across the state including one here locally, but it was seven miles away so I didn't think anything of it. I muted the TV and started working on homework with the kids. About 30 minutes later we realize we can hear someone talking so I jump up and check the front door and the police are outside yelling for everyone to evacuate.
Okay at this point I think the fire is still miles away so we just grab our shoes and keys and hop in the car and pull out. I didn't even think about grabbing clothes, medicine, pictures, anything. I thought we were being evacuated just as a precaution. It wasn't until I pulled out of our neighborhood and started towards my parents house that I realized how wrong I was. White ash sprinkled down on our car and the smell of smoke made my sinuses hurt. I realized the fire was a lot closer than we last heard and I started calling everyone I knew trying to get a scope on what was going on.
We drove out to my parents house and let ourselves in as they were in town shopping. I turned on the TV and watched in horror as they showed the fire approaching the high school next to my neighborhood and then the helicopter panned over to show the line of fire trucks on the road east of my house. They were drawing the line there hoping to stop the fire from spreading further. Of course that didn't help anything BEFORE that road, which happened to be where my home was.
Over the next few hours I watched the news, hoping for some sign that things would be okay. I couldn't pull away from it, and I cried and cursed and desperately hoped for a miracle. Two hours later they panned across my neighborhood again and my heart fell. The sweep of the camera was swift but I could clearly make out a line of fire devouring the fence that lined the back of the houses on my street. I didn't have time to count out which house it was at, but it didn't matter, if it was that far there was nothing to stop it.
My son turned off the TV, insisting that it was torture to continue watching it. I couldn't argue, I was lost. I kept trying to reach my ex-husband, who still did not know what was going on or that his children might now be homeless. A few hours later I finally reached him.
He insisted that the house was fine and that he was going to go there and see for himself. I told him he couldn't get to it and he said nobody would keep him from HIS house (never mind the fact that it's supposed to be MY house now). He drove as close as he could and then set off on foot to find the house. Yes, in the middle of wildfires, and the middle of the night as it was 11pm by this point, he set off on foot to walk two+ miles to check on the house. I begged him not to do it, his kids begged him not to do it, his parents begged him not to do it, co-workers and friends called him and told him not to do it. He did it anyway. He got lost, wandered a mile off course, but three hours later he finally made it.
He called me. The house had survived. The fire had devoured our fence and melted the pool and burned up part of the yard but the fire department got there and put it out as it was climbing the neighbors' tree. Thank goodness, that tree touches my roof and if it had climbed much higher my house would have been gone. We still had our home.
Two doors down they weren't so lucky. That house and the house next to it both burned down. It's devastating, heartbreaking, and amazing how some houses burned and others didn't. The house three doors down belonged to the family of a friend of my children's. I can't tell you how many times that sweet little boy would ring our doorbell asking if my kids can come out to play. He's not there now, but they are safe, and hopefully they will be able to rebuild.
Two of my daughter's classmates lost their homes, and four in my son's class are also dealing with the loss. The good side is nobody was hurt. As for us, the insurance adjuster came on Monday, by Wednesday the money was in the bank and the dumpster comes next week so we can start the clean up. We had no phone or internet for a few days, and the water and electric have come and gone a few times as the utility companies scramble to repair and replace the transformers and wells that were damaged, but life moves forward.
In other news, I had a job interview today. I'm still hoping for a job that will give me benefits and a decent wage but it's a struggle. The people I interviewed with today seemed interested but they don't offer insurance. I'm not sure if it will work out or not, but I guess I'll call next week and find out if they want me or not. If not, hopefully I'll still hear back from some other feelers.
This Sunday is my grandmother's 80th birthday. We are all getting together to celebrate, which should be fun. Tomorrow I'll bake a cake for her, and map out the directions to her house as I'll be driving there alone for the first time.
I'm doing well with my online lessons. I fell behind due to the fire and the lack of internet but my plan is to catch up this weekend. Next week is the last two lessons and then I'll have a couple of weeks off before the next set start. The plus side is by the time the next session starts the kids will be almost done with school so I won't have to work out their homework as well as mine. Hopefully I'll have a job by then as well.
Well I better close this up. I'm sure I had more to talk about but the kids have left and I need to get some things done. Have a great weekend!!
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