Haha, something about Nanowrimo time always reminds me, hey, I have a blog I haven't been on in ages.
I'm going to brain dump because frankly it's a good thing to do before you start writing a novel so your characters don't inadvertently end up musing over your own life issues and letting that get in the way of their own adventures.
While driving to my parents house today, in a beautiful sunny, yet cool, October afternoon, I was jamming out to the radio and Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams came on. I love that song, and I think it's because I identify with the loneliness inside the lyrics. Sometimes I walk and wish someone would find me. My whole life I've been hoping someone would find me. When I was a kid, and would go visit my grandparents in the small town of Barnsdall, I would walk home from their bar in the warm summer night air, and I would run, run like the devil was chasing me, down any street, ducking around a corner, hiding in the bushes or behind someones trash cans, trying to silence my breathing while my chest felt like it was bursting and I would listen. Listen for the footsteps of the person chasing me, looking for me, trying to find me. They were never there, and I'd give up and find my way home, but deep inside that urge to flee and be found still lingers even today.
Speaking of Barnsdall, wow, what a mind trip. That tiny town that has been dying over the years is actually one of the many filming locations for the upcoming movie August: Osage County, which stars big names like Meryl Streep, Ewan McGregor, Julia Roberts, and I think it's directed by George Clooney. He's either the director or producer, I'm not sure. It blows my mind. They are also shooting in Pawhuska and Bartlesville. Way to go Oklahoma! And coincidentally, the high school here in Choctaw is also performing the play by the same name, that the movie is based on. I really want to go see it.
What else is rattling away inside my hollow skull. Hmm. I've had some interesting experiences and set backs this year. I've been blessed with some wonderful opportunities, I've done some really fun volunteer work and met lots of lovely people. The dating life has pretty much sucked, but that's okay. I spent most of the year hung up on a cling on I couldn't let go of, but finally found the closure I needed. The holidays are hard when you are alone. I still tend to feel like my life isn't supposed to be like this, I wasn't supposed to be thirty something and alone, but then again it's the "supposed to be"s that get in the way of what could be, so I'm working on letting go of it. I'm trying to keep busy and keep expanding my horizons.
So yes, obviously I'm doing Nano again this year, but I have decided I am really going to do it and complete it this year. I've played the lame duck for the past three years and had plenty of excuses to get away with it, but no more. It's time to either get serious, or let go of the dream of being a writer. I get to be a co-ml this year, so that's fun, I can't wait to plan some events.
Kids are doing great, work is okay, and my dog still thinks she's my baby. Generally life is pretty good, and when a good song comes on the radio, I'm rocking it out till the windows vibrate. I am working on being more honest with myself too.
In light of that, I'm scared. Wow that's hard to say. Ever since I got divorced, I've felt like I have to be strong and fearless and capable and in control. The truth is I'm terrified sometimes, and I'm lost sometimes, and sometimes I really want to hide somewhere and be weak and recover so I can be strong again. I used to beat myself up for feeling that way, but really, who am I kidding? I'm not super woman, and I'm human, I fail sometimes, I'm weak sometimes, I'm scared. It's okay, doesn't mean I can't handle things, just means I need to take time for me sometimes. It's still amazing how hard it is to say that though. Then again, I remember a time when it was painful to hear someone tell me I was beautiful, and I couldn't say it myself. I got through that, I'll get through this too.
Well I guess I better close up. I need to update my other blogs too. I've actually completed several of my cranes, even though I haven't updated there in over a year. Maybe I'll take that one down though, I don't know. We'll see.
Mmm, lots of free space in my brain now, time to go think about my novel. Only three days left to plan! Oh, and if I don't see you again before Halloween, eat a piece of candy for me. ;)
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween!
I'm back, trying to refocus and recommit. It's Halloween, the night when the veil between the living and the dead spreads thin and things escape across those feather boundaries. Supposedly anyway. It's also a night when darkly robed munchkins march across neighborhoods patting down random strangers for sweet treats, followed by an insane sugar high when they finally succumb to sore feet and drag their loot home.
Took the kids trick or treating, actually to be fair I took my daughter trick or treating. My son decided he was too old to trick or treat with mom and chose to go out with his friends. Ah, how quickly they grow up.
Met up with one of my daughter's best friends, which was cool. It's always better when they have a pal to loot with. I chatted with her dad, which was great because he knew some neighborhood dirt. I never know any gossip, but it's interesting to hear what is going on behind those closed doors and glowing windows. Three bags of treats later we finally came home, to find we had almost as many stickers (goat head burrs for those of you not from the south) as we did candy. I insisted we stop in the entry way to pick them all out before they got tracked across the carpet. My feet do not like finding stickers by touch.
It's also the eve of NaNoWriMo!! Yea!! I do believe I'll do it this year. Last year that I completed was 2008, right before the end of my marriage. I attempted a year or two ago but was still in the throes of adjusting to single working mother status and just couldn't keep up. I think I'm on an even keel enough now, I can pull it out. Plus the kids are going to be gone three out of the four weekends this month, so good chance to catch up. Don't know what NaNoWriMo is? Click on the banner button on my sidebar and check out the craziness yourself. Better yet, challenge yourself to join in the fun!! It's addictive!
Other news, still single. If I mentioned a boyfriend in my last post, he's long gone by now. Colder weather does make being single more difficult to take though, it begs for cuddling. Currently flirting with a firefighter though, so who knows, perhaps I'll soon be engulfed in the flames of passion and romance again.
My Cranes list is still an ongoing project. I haven't updated that blog in awhile but I have been working on my cranes. I'll be updating it this week and preparing to get it back on track. I had planned on starting a new goal to accomplish one crane a day for a year. It will be challenging but doable.
In other news I have a new job since the last time I posted (which was over a year ago, so obviously lots has happened). I'm now an accounting assistant, which I love. It's a great job, lots of benefits, and I feel like a real valuable member of a team now. I just wish the commute didn't suck so much. Oh well, you can't have everything.
Well I better get to bed, but I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween, Samhain, All Hallows Eve, and All Souls Day or Dia De Los Muertos, or whatever cusp or eve or night of amazement you celebrate this time of year.
Peace, love and cookies!
Took the kids trick or treating, actually to be fair I took my daughter trick or treating. My son decided he was too old to trick or treat with mom and chose to go out with his friends. Ah, how quickly they grow up.
Met up with one of my daughter's best friends, which was cool. It's always better when they have a pal to loot with. I chatted with her dad, which was great because he knew some neighborhood dirt. I never know any gossip, but it's interesting to hear what is going on behind those closed doors and glowing windows. Three bags of treats later we finally came home, to find we had almost as many stickers (goat head burrs for those of you not from the south) as we did candy. I insisted we stop in the entry way to pick them all out before they got tracked across the carpet. My feet do not like finding stickers by touch.
It's also the eve of NaNoWriMo!! Yea!! I do believe I'll do it this year. Last year that I completed was 2008, right before the end of my marriage. I attempted a year or two ago but was still in the throes of adjusting to single working mother status and just couldn't keep up. I think I'm on an even keel enough now, I can pull it out. Plus the kids are going to be gone three out of the four weekends this month, so good chance to catch up. Don't know what NaNoWriMo is? Click on the banner button on my sidebar and check out the craziness yourself. Better yet, challenge yourself to join in the fun!! It's addictive!
Other news, still single. If I mentioned a boyfriend in my last post, he's long gone by now. Colder weather does make being single more difficult to take though, it begs for cuddling. Currently flirting with a firefighter though, so who knows, perhaps I'll soon be engulfed in the flames of passion and romance again.
My Cranes list is still an ongoing project. I haven't updated that blog in awhile but I have been working on my cranes. I'll be updating it this week and preparing to get it back on track. I had planned on starting a new goal to accomplish one crane a day for a year. It will be challenging but doable.
In other news I have a new job since the last time I posted (which was over a year ago, so obviously lots has happened). I'm now an accounting assistant, which I love. It's a great job, lots of benefits, and I feel like a real valuable member of a team now. I just wish the commute didn't suck so much. Oh well, you can't have everything.
Well I better get to bed, but I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween, Samhain, All Hallows Eve, and All Souls Day or Dia De Los Muertos, or whatever cusp or eve or night of amazement you celebrate this time of year.
Peace, love and cookies!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Back once more
Wow I haven't posted here in a long time, although to be fair that wasn't for lack of trying. My desktop has some glitch in it where it will not allow me to access any web pages that require log in so the only way to update my blog is from my laptop. Still, I should be more frequent than I've been, and I'll work on that.
What's been going on in my life, well there have been some changes. The wonderful man from the previous post is no more. We had a very nice loving relationship for about 8 months that finally ended after Memorial Day Weekend. I suppose it was meant to happen, he was young and I have a complicated life. Being single again was kind of a challenge to get used to again, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it again.
I'm still working at the medical center although all my time is spent on billing and new patients now. We are supposed to be getting our new EMR system sometime in the near future (which around there usually means within the next 8 months, but I think we might be closer to the next 3 months). I'm excited about that. I always enjoy learning new things, although I think billing will be a nightmare for about a year and a half after the switch.
The children are both doing well. My son starts middle school next month, something I'm a little anxious about. He will be in band and we had to go buy a clarinet, which let me tell you those suckers are expensive!! I had no idea they cost so much or I might have been pushing vocal music more since he already has that instrument. Oh well, maybe he will love it, and either way at least I gave him the opportunity to try. My daughter will be in Second grade, and she is doing better with her reading. It's challenging to stay on top of it over the summer with everything else going on, but we try. I ended up having to put them both in daycare for the summer, but I found a really awesome one that has lots of fun field trips all week long and so far they actually enjoy it and look forward to going and are upset when I pick them up so that's nice.
In personal news I am finally writing again after a long dry spell. It's hard to make myself do it sometimes but I feel so good when I do write that it's usually pretty easy to keep at it once I get started. Hopefully I'll have my routine completely in place by the time school starts. I also started a new challenge for myself, 1000 goals to complete in 10 years, which I call my Crane list. I set up a blog for it where you can read all about it here. It's a little silly maybe, but I like having a visual goal to work towards. So far I've completed 7 of my items, not too bad.
We also added a new family member, a German Shepard puppy named Jackson. He is so cute and growing so fast, he'll be a big ol' monster dog soon enough. It's been challenging adjusting to baby dog needs again, but the kids are so happy to have a pet again.
Nothing much else to report. Mostly I've just been the same ol' me, just busy and dealing with challenges. You know I think the people in my life present the most challenging aspects. Sometimes I want to rip my hair out, but I know I just have to push through.
Oh, I did one more thing, I finally set up face book. I still have no clue what I'm doing there, but it's something to play with. I found Frontier land or whatever it's called tonight, and I have to say that is fun. I can see how people can end up spending a lot of time on there.
Well I need to put the puppy to bed and get some more writing done, so take care, stay cool, and be kind to others. T-out!
What's been going on in my life, well there have been some changes. The wonderful man from the previous post is no more. We had a very nice loving relationship for about 8 months that finally ended after Memorial Day Weekend. I suppose it was meant to happen, he was young and I have a complicated life. Being single again was kind of a challenge to get used to again, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it again.
I'm still working at the medical center although all my time is spent on billing and new patients now. We are supposed to be getting our new EMR system sometime in the near future (which around there usually means within the next 8 months, but I think we might be closer to the next 3 months). I'm excited about that. I always enjoy learning new things, although I think billing will be a nightmare for about a year and a half after the switch.
The children are both doing well. My son starts middle school next month, something I'm a little anxious about. He will be in band and we had to go buy a clarinet, which let me tell you those suckers are expensive!! I had no idea they cost so much or I might have been pushing vocal music more since he already has that instrument. Oh well, maybe he will love it, and either way at least I gave him the opportunity to try. My daughter will be in Second grade, and she is doing better with her reading. It's challenging to stay on top of it over the summer with everything else going on, but we try. I ended up having to put them both in daycare for the summer, but I found a really awesome one that has lots of fun field trips all week long and so far they actually enjoy it and look forward to going and are upset when I pick them up so that's nice.
In personal news I am finally writing again after a long dry spell. It's hard to make myself do it sometimes but I feel so good when I do write that it's usually pretty easy to keep at it once I get started. Hopefully I'll have my routine completely in place by the time school starts. I also started a new challenge for myself, 1000 goals to complete in 10 years, which I call my Crane list. I set up a blog for it where you can read all about it here. It's a little silly maybe, but I like having a visual goal to work towards. So far I've completed 7 of my items, not too bad.
We also added a new family member, a German Shepard puppy named Jackson. He is so cute and growing so fast, he'll be a big ol' monster dog soon enough. It's been challenging adjusting to baby dog needs again, but the kids are so happy to have a pet again.
Nothing much else to report. Mostly I've just been the same ol' me, just busy and dealing with challenges. You know I think the people in my life present the most challenging aspects. Sometimes I want to rip my hair out, but I know I just have to push through.
Oh, I did one more thing, I finally set up face book. I still have no clue what I'm doing there, but it's something to play with. I found Frontier land or whatever it's called tonight, and I have to say that is fun. I can see how people can end up spending a lot of time on there.
Well I need to put the puppy to bed and get some more writing done, so take care, stay cool, and be kind to others. T-out!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
I am still alive
Wow, so much has happened since I last posted, where to begin.
First off, I haven't been avoiding posting, and I have been busy but the main reason I haven't posted in so long is my desktop computer is screwed up and won't let me access any websites that require log in. I have no idea why, it's messed up and I have yet to figure it out and fix it. At any rate every time I attempted to log on here to add an update it refused to allow me and so I just gave up. I am on my laptop now though, and I'll try to be more regular from now on (but you know how I am, so good luck with that).
Oh, big news!! I'm officially divorced!! We finalized in August and I am now completely free and single again!! I got the alimony and child support I wanted as well as the house, and pretty much everything is going well now. There have been some points of contention between us as he refuses to take care of my daughter's allergies. We found out back in February or so that she is allergic to cats, dogs, milk, wheat and eggs, but he refuses to be considerate of this and had a cat and dog living in his house (which goes against our custody agreement) and more recently he was giving her eggnog which is basically milk, eggs and sugar. Why he refuses to take care of her with this I have no idea, it doesn't seem like rocket science to me but he takes it as a personal insult. He turns it into an me verses him thing instead of thinking about the fact it's our daughter's health. Ugh, I'll leave that alone for now.
In other news, I'm not really single any more as I have a boyfriend. Yep, I finally dipped my toe into the dating pools and after a few interesting and sometimes disastrous experiences I found a keeper. He is the most well balanced, kind hearted, sweet and loving man I think I may have ever met, and it kind of freaks me out sometimes because he is so easy going and handles everything so well. I'm not used to that. I'm used to people who freak out and go nuts on me, and he never does that. He's also incredibly honest, which is amazing, and so what I need right now. And he's incredibly patient with me, which as anyone who knows me I can spaz out and kind of freak a little at times and he doesn't get ruffled at all he just stays calm and holds firm and I settle down. It's the most amazing and incredible thing I've ever experienced, and I'm just in awe of him.
One caveat, he's younger than me. Eight years younger to be exact, and I sometimes struggle with that. It's entirely my own issue, age is totally not an issue between us and in fact we seem to get along together on just about every front wonderfully. To be honest I fought dating him at the beginning because of how young he was, but he persevered and we talked for hours on the phone and I finally gave in knowing that it was all in my head. He really is amazing, intelligent, soulful, loving, and sexy to boot. I'm crazy about him. Oh, and he absolutely loves bacon so I'll call him BaconBoy, although he did say he would give up all the bacon in the world for me, which I thought was incredibly sweet. Seriously, so crazy about him.
Let's see, what else. I'm still working at the medical center, and I'm pretty settled in now. I am apparently the comic relief and everyone in the business side of the office says the day drags when I'm not there. I think I'll be called into the office to get reprimanded soon because sometimes we get a little loud when we laugh, and I laugh a lot, but I'm trying to keep it in mind and keep it settled down.
The kids are back in school again and doing well. I haven't been doing much artistically or with my writing as I've been busy but I'm trying to get back into it and I've signed up for NaNoWriMo again. I hope I'm as successful this year as I was last year, but it will be challenging as I work and I'm a single parent now whereas last year I was a stay at home mom. I believe I can do it though. I still haven't edited Empathy from last year. I haven't even read it, bad me. I need to get with it.
Anyway, the kids want to play a card game and I need to finish up the laundry so I better go. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and in case I don't catch you before then, Happy Halloween!!
Be good, love lots, and stay warm. T out!
First off, I haven't been avoiding posting, and I have been busy but the main reason I haven't posted in so long is my desktop computer is screwed up and won't let me access any websites that require log in. I have no idea why, it's messed up and I have yet to figure it out and fix it. At any rate every time I attempted to log on here to add an update it refused to allow me and so I just gave up. I am on my laptop now though, and I'll try to be more regular from now on (but you know how I am, so good luck with that).
Oh, big news!! I'm officially divorced!! We finalized in August and I am now completely free and single again!! I got the alimony and child support I wanted as well as the house, and pretty much everything is going well now. There have been some points of contention between us as he refuses to take care of my daughter's allergies. We found out back in February or so that she is allergic to cats, dogs, milk, wheat and eggs, but he refuses to be considerate of this and had a cat and dog living in his house (which goes against our custody agreement) and more recently he was giving her eggnog which is basically milk, eggs and sugar. Why he refuses to take care of her with this I have no idea, it doesn't seem like rocket science to me but he takes it as a personal insult. He turns it into an me verses him thing instead of thinking about the fact it's our daughter's health. Ugh, I'll leave that alone for now.
In other news, I'm not really single any more as I have a boyfriend. Yep, I finally dipped my toe into the dating pools and after a few interesting and sometimes disastrous experiences I found a keeper. He is the most well balanced, kind hearted, sweet and loving man I think I may have ever met, and it kind of freaks me out sometimes because he is so easy going and handles everything so well. I'm not used to that. I'm used to people who freak out and go nuts on me, and he never does that. He's also incredibly honest, which is amazing, and so what I need right now. And he's incredibly patient with me, which as anyone who knows me I can spaz out and kind of freak a little at times and he doesn't get ruffled at all he just stays calm and holds firm and I settle down. It's the most amazing and incredible thing I've ever experienced, and I'm just in awe of him.
One caveat, he's younger than me. Eight years younger to be exact, and I sometimes struggle with that. It's entirely my own issue, age is totally not an issue between us and in fact we seem to get along together on just about every front wonderfully. To be honest I fought dating him at the beginning because of how young he was, but he persevered and we talked for hours on the phone and I finally gave in knowing that it was all in my head. He really is amazing, intelligent, soulful, loving, and sexy to boot. I'm crazy about him. Oh, and he absolutely loves bacon so I'll call him BaconBoy, although he did say he would give up all the bacon in the world for me, which I thought was incredibly sweet. Seriously, so crazy about him.
Let's see, what else. I'm still working at the medical center, and I'm pretty settled in now. I am apparently the comic relief and everyone in the business side of the office says the day drags when I'm not there. I think I'll be called into the office to get reprimanded soon because sometimes we get a little loud when we laugh, and I laugh a lot, but I'm trying to keep it in mind and keep it settled down.
The kids are back in school again and doing well. I haven't been doing much artistically or with my writing as I've been busy but I'm trying to get back into it and I've signed up for NaNoWriMo again. I hope I'm as successful this year as I was last year, but it will be challenging as I work and I'm a single parent now whereas last year I was a stay at home mom. I believe I can do it though. I still haven't edited Empathy from last year. I haven't even read it, bad me. I need to get with it.
Anyway, the kids want to play a card game and I need to finish up the laundry so I better go. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and in case I don't catch you before then, Happy Halloween!!
Be good, love lots, and stay warm. T out!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Late as usual
Another belated update. It's not for lack of trying, there have been so many times I've started to post and got sidetracked and didn't do it. Story of my life!!
Let's see, quick update on things: I had a pretty good 4th of July, the only major mishap as a few firework incidents that the people across the street had where their multi shot artillery shells fell over and began rapid firing across my yard and at my guests. That sucked! My mother had a small burn where an ember from an exploding shell burned her arm but otherwise we were just shaken up mostly. My son was done with fireworks after that. On the plus side, I conquered lighting explosives, so add that to the list of fears I've sucked up and dealt with.
SoCNoC is officially over and I sucked big time. I failed! (I'm wailing here, can't you hear it?) Oh well, there is always NaNo in the fall. If I could afford to take a month off of work, I could probably make it work. ;) I wonder if I'll ever be able to embrace what I want to be without having to put up with what I have to be. I guess time will tell.
No progress on the dating front. I have met several people to be "friends" but no motion at all on the actual dating. I fantasize about chicken guy and leave it at that for now. I did check out a whole stack of books on dating (including "Dating for Idiots" or "Mating for Morons" or whatever that book is called). THAT was fun to check out from the kinda cute librarian guy. They have those flippin' pads where they can scan a whole stack of books in one pile so WHY did he have to finger through my entire stack? Maybe it was on the fritz, or maybe he just wanted to see how desperate I really am. "Men are Like Fish", yep, you're desperate when you check out an instruction guide that treats men like marlins. I read five pages and decided I'm not ready to date so now I'm sneaking back after midnight to return them in the after hours book drop.
I don't know why I want to date anyway, I'm not actually desperate for sex or anything like that. What I really want is just someone to spend time with, hang out, go to a movie with, curl up on the couch with and watch a video, etc. I think I kind of want to date so I face that fear, kind of like ripping off the bandaid, but I don't want to date because I don't want to be faced with the sex question. When I was younger, sex just wasn't an option, you are young, virginal, inexperienced whatever. It was a "Big Deal". Now I'm an adult, and it seems like sex is more standard fare and almost expected. I can't do that, I can't just sleep with someone I don't know. I'm slow to warm and I have to have a real connection and a relationship there. Does that make me a freak? Probably. You know what has come around since I was last on the market? "Friends with benefits". I can't even just be friends with someone any more, even that has to have benefits. Blech, I'm going to be single forever, and since I can't have cats I guess I'll be the crazy bear lady who has tons of stuffed bears that I name and dress up and push around in carriages like babies. Hee, okay I just cracked myself up.
Oooh!! Guess what!! There is going to be an Improv Festival here in the city!! So cool!! I love Improv!! I can't wait, it's going to be so much fun!!
On the art front, I'm still drawing and painting and now I'm gluing stuff (not sure if that's a step up or down). I'm still having fun, still not terribly talented but oh well. I'll scan some new things onto my art blog tomorrow. I met someone online who does clay sculpture, so now I'm considering playing with that. I would be such an awesome multi-faceted person if I actually had decent talent in all the arenas that interest me. ;)
Well it's late, and I'm due to get up early for work again in the morning. I hope you all have a wonderful week and that the down slope of summer treats you well! Eat an ice cream for me!!
Let's see, quick update on things: I had a pretty good 4th of July, the only major mishap as a few firework incidents that the people across the street had where their multi shot artillery shells fell over and began rapid firing across my yard and at my guests. That sucked! My mother had a small burn where an ember from an exploding shell burned her arm but otherwise we were just shaken up mostly. My son was done with fireworks after that. On the plus side, I conquered lighting explosives, so add that to the list of fears I've sucked up and dealt with.
SoCNoC is officially over and I sucked big time. I failed! (I'm wailing here, can't you hear it?) Oh well, there is always NaNo in the fall. If I could afford to take a month off of work, I could probably make it work. ;) I wonder if I'll ever be able to embrace what I want to be without having to put up with what I have to be. I guess time will tell.
No progress on the dating front. I have met several people to be "friends" but no motion at all on the actual dating. I fantasize about chicken guy and leave it at that for now. I did check out a whole stack of books on dating (including "Dating for Idiots" or "Mating for Morons" or whatever that book is called). THAT was fun to check out from the kinda cute librarian guy. They have those flippin' pads where they can scan a whole stack of books in one pile so WHY did he have to finger through my entire stack? Maybe it was on the fritz, or maybe he just wanted to see how desperate I really am. "Men are Like Fish", yep, you're desperate when you check out an instruction guide that treats men like marlins. I read five pages and decided I'm not ready to date so now I'm sneaking back after midnight to return them in the after hours book drop.
I don't know why I want to date anyway, I'm not actually desperate for sex or anything like that. What I really want is just someone to spend time with, hang out, go to a movie with, curl up on the couch with and watch a video, etc. I think I kind of want to date so I face that fear, kind of like ripping off the bandaid, but I don't want to date because I don't want to be faced with the sex question. When I was younger, sex just wasn't an option, you are young, virginal, inexperienced whatever. It was a "Big Deal". Now I'm an adult, and it seems like sex is more standard fare and almost expected. I can't do that, I can't just sleep with someone I don't know. I'm slow to warm and I have to have a real connection and a relationship there. Does that make me a freak? Probably. You know what has come around since I was last on the market? "Friends with benefits". I can't even just be friends with someone any more, even that has to have benefits. Blech, I'm going to be single forever, and since I can't have cats I guess I'll be the crazy bear lady who has tons of stuffed bears that I name and dress up and push around in carriages like babies. Hee, okay I just cracked myself up.
Oooh!! Guess what!! There is going to be an Improv Festival here in the city!! So cool!! I love Improv!! I can't wait, it's going to be so much fun!!
On the art front, I'm still drawing and painting and now I'm gluing stuff (not sure if that's a step up or down). I'm still having fun, still not terribly talented but oh well. I'll scan some new things onto my art blog tomorrow. I met someone online who does clay sculpture, so now I'm considering playing with that. I would be such an awesome multi-faceted person if I actually had decent talent in all the arenas that interest me. ;)
Well it's late, and I'm due to get up early for work again in the morning. I hope you all have a wonderful week and that the down slope of summer treats you well! Eat an ice cream for me!!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sunday Morning
Well here I am trying to decide what to do with my Sunday and I remembered that I haven't updated in a couple of days so I decided to start here.
Last week was rough at work. Wednesday and Thursday kicked my butt, and at one point I decided that was it, I was leaving and I wasn't coming back. At lunch time I clocked out and I left. I drove over to Sonic to get something to eat and to call my mom but she wasn't home. I was crying and then the server came out with my lunch and she was so sweet! She talked to me and helped me feel better and I was really touched. Because of her I returned to work and turned it around. Friday was busy and hectic but I survived without wanting to escape.
Saturday I went out and bought art supplies. Yummy, delicious, rainbow colored art supplies. I bought this plastic lap tray thing that I think is meant for kids but it's perfect for me to use to draw or write or type on my laptop in bed. It has a cup holder that is perfect for a beverage or a cup of water for painting, plus a smaller bin just right for a snack or to tuck away supplies I'll need, or my mini-journals. The other side has a larger bin that is perfect for books, or even my mini-notebook. I love it!! I bought one for each of the kids too, I know they will love them. I also bought a waterbrush, traveling watercolor set, watercolor pencils, chalk and oil pastels, a sketch kit, some colored sharpies and a set of brush pens. I spent most of yesterday playing with them and exploring the colors and the applications and just enjoying them. I also read SARK books that I checked out from the library, and just felt wonderful all over.
Today I'll catch up on my chores. I have to finish the laundry which the final loads are in the machines now so that's almost done, then I need to clean the kitchen and pick up and vacuum the living room. You know I can never spell vacuum, I always spell it wrong and the fix it with spell check. I think today I'll write down the correct spelling and practice it till I can spell it correctly without the spell checker. Good thing to note! I also need to mow today, and return the video rentals, so I guess I'll be hopping today!
As for the SoCNoC, well it is now the 21st and I've only written one chapter. I may not make the goal but the story is finally shaping up in my head and I plan to write more today. I'll update more on that at the end of the month to let you know how I did. I'm proud of starting anyway, even if I fall short.
So what else is up, hmm. Well my birthday is this week. My 34th trip around the sun is coming to an end, and wow, what a trip this one has been!! So much has happened and changed, and I am not the same person I was 12 months ago. I wonder who I will be in another 12 months? It's exciting to find out. We have birthday parties at work each month so next week I get to celebrate with my work pals. This is strange to me because I've never worked on a birthday before, and it's kind of embarrassing and weird to have them celebrate like that and ask me what I want for a present. How do you tell your boss what to get you for your birthday? I struggled with it a lot, and for a long time I wished they would just ignore my birthday, I don't even really like celebrating it on my own, but finally I just gave in. There is another person who's birthday we are celebrating as well, so that helps. I asked my boss for SARK books, watercolor pencils, and screwdrivers. I think he might have gotten excited by the screwdrivers, he's a "tool guy". I mean that in that he likes to work with tools, not as in he is a "tool", he's not a tool. Anyway, my own plans for my birthday include meeting my parents and kids for dinner to eat Korean and then running out to see Transformers 2. I'm excited about that part! I'll also bake a coconut cake to share with the kids.
Man, I really want a LiveScribe Pulse Smartpen. I'm considering buying one for myself, but I can't decide if I should or not. There are so many neat applications for it, but would I really use it? If you have one or use one, comment or email me and tell me if I should buy one or not, because I'm really leaning. Me wants, me wants!! :)
Well, I can't think of anything else important to say, so I guess I'm outta here. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a glorious week!! Peace Love and Understanding to all!!
Last week was rough at work. Wednesday and Thursday kicked my butt, and at one point I decided that was it, I was leaving and I wasn't coming back. At lunch time I clocked out and I left. I drove over to Sonic to get something to eat and to call my mom but she wasn't home. I was crying and then the server came out with my lunch and she was so sweet! She talked to me and helped me feel better and I was really touched. Because of her I returned to work and turned it around. Friday was busy and hectic but I survived without wanting to escape.
Saturday I went out and bought art supplies. Yummy, delicious, rainbow colored art supplies. I bought this plastic lap tray thing that I think is meant for kids but it's perfect for me to use to draw or write or type on my laptop in bed. It has a cup holder that is perfect for a beverage or a cup of water for painting, plus a smaller bin just right for a snack or to tuck away supplies I'll need, or my mini-journals. The other side has a larger bin that is perfect for books, or even my mini-notebook. I love it!! I bought one for each of the kids too, I know they will love them. I also bought a waterbrush, traveling watercolor set, watercolor pencils, chalk and oil pastels, a sketch kit, some colored sharpies and a set of brush pens. I spent most of yesterday playing with them and exploring the colors and the applications and just enjoying them. I also read SARK books that I checked out from the library, and just felt wonderful all over.
Today I'll catch up on my chores. I have to finish the laundry which the final loads are in the machines now so that's almost done, then I need to clean the kitchen and pick up and vacuum the living room. You know I can never spell vacuum, I always spell it wrong and the fix it with spell check. I think today I'll write down the correct spelling and practice it till I can spell it correctly without the spell checker. Good thing to note! I also need to mow today, and return the video rentals, so I guess I'll be hopping today!
As for the SoCNoC, well it is now the 21st and I've only written one chapter. I may not make the goal but the story is finally shaping up in my head and I plan to write more today. I'll update more on that at the end of the month to let you know how I did. I'm proud of starting anyway, even if I fall short.
So what else is up, hmm. Well my birthday is this week. My 34th trip around the sun is coming to an end, and wow, what a trip this one has been!! So much has happened and changed, and I am not the same person I was 12 months ago. I wonder who I will be in another 12 months? It's exciting to find out. We have birthday parties at work each month so next week I get to celebrate with my work pals. This is strange to me because I've never worked on a birthday before, and it's kind of embarrassing and weird to have them celebrate like that and ask me what I want for a present. How do you tell your boss what to get you for your birthday? I struggled with it a lot, and for a long time I wished they would just ignore my birthday, I don't even really like celebrating it on my own, but finally I just gave in. There is another person who's birthday we are celebrating as well, so that helps. I asked my boss for SARK books, watercolor pencils, and screwdrivers. I think he might have gotten excited by the screwdrivers, he's a "tool guy". I mean that in that he likes to work with tools, not as in he is a "tool", he's not a tool. Anyway, my own plans for my birthday include meeting my parents and kids for dinner to eat Korean and then running out to see Transformers 2. I'm excited about that part! I'll also bake a coconut cake to share with the kids.
Man, I really want a LiveScribe Pulse Smartpen. I'm considering buying one for myself, but I can't decide if I should or not. There are so many neat applications for it, but would I really use it? If you have one or use one, comment or email me and tell me if I should buy one or not, because I'm really leaning. Me wants, me wants!! :)
Well, I can't think of anything else important to say, so I guess I'm outta here. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a glorious week!! Peace Love and Understanding to all!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Dating Dilemma
Okay, so I'm finally reaching the point where I'm feeling like dipping my toe back into those ever so fish filled waters. I have no idea how to do that.
First, when it comes to dating, I'm an infant. I'm a social newbie. My ex was my first boyfriend, and really the only guy I ever really dated. I had a thing for a guy before him, a guy who never was willing to go beyond friends, and we went to a movie one night together but he made it clear it wasn't a date, it was "hanging out". My ex probably took me on a total of about five dates, I mean where you are clearly "going out on a date". We did lots of things together as a couple, but it was more along the hanging out style. So really, I have no idea how you date.
Okay, so lets say for a moment the dating part itself is easy, which it probably is, here is the real kicker. How do you meet people? I don't drink, I don't hang out at bars. I'm not religious, I don't belong to a church. Those are the two most obvious places I can think of to meet someone. The third would be the internet, but most of the online social things are filled with people trolling for a one night stand or booty call buddy or "Friend with benefits". I don't think people get the "friend" part of that, they think it means "we will screw without me ever having to take you out to dinner and a movie first". I don't know, maybe that IS what it means and *I'M* the one who doesn't get it.
I'm a little old fashioned, I would like to know someone before I sleep with them. Not in a "My name is Jack, I work at the hospital, I like the color blue, take off your clothes baby" way but in a actually spending time together and getting to know each other and like each other way. Sometimes, when I talk to people, I think I'm a dinosaur that just escaped the Lost World and people are like "I thought you were extinct". I feel that way about my attitudes on marriage and fidelity too, although I like to think other people believe in those things as well.
Anyway, so how does someone actually meet people? How do you let them know you are on the market? How do you ever get anywhere? I get the whole "kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince" thing, but where do you find the frogs?
Maybe it's like a quest, when the time is right you find the way. I don't know. Where is the instruction book for life? Why are there billions of self-help books and yet still nobody knows how to get through life without wandering around like a lost child? Maybe the wandering is the point? Maybe. Maybe it's too late at night for me to wax philosophical. I think I'm confusing myself now.
Maybe you just walk along the edge of the pool, wanting to dip your toe in, until suddenly someone comes along and pushes you and you are in, gasping for breath, stroking along, and realizing the water is wonderful.
In that case, someone come along and push me. I'm ready to learn how to swim with the fishes.
First, when it comes to dating, I'm an infant. I'm a social newbie. My ex was my first boyfriend, and really the only guy I ever really dated. I had a thing for a guy before him, a guy who never was willing to go beyond friends, and we went to a movie one night together but he made it clear it wasn't a date, it was "hanging out". My ex probably took me on a total of about five dates, I mean where you are clearly "going out on a date". We did lots of things together as a couple, but it was more along the hanging out style. So really, I have no idea how you date.
Okay, so lets say for a moment the dating part itself is easy, which it probably is, here is the real kicker. How do you meet people? I don't drink, I don't hang out at bars. I'm not religious, I don't belong to a church. Those are the two most obvious places I can think of to meet someone. The third would be the internet, but most of the online social things are filled with people trolling for a one night stand or booty call buddy or "Friend with benefits". I don't think people get the "friend" part of that, they think it means "we will screw without me ever having to take you out to dinner and a movie first". I don't know, maybe that IS what it means and *I'M* the one who doesn't get it.
I'm a little old fashioned, I would like to know someone before I sleep with them. Not in a "My name is Jack, I work at the hospital, I like the color blue, take off your clothes baby" way but in a actually spending time together and getting to know each other and like each other way. Sometimes, when I talk to people, I think I'm a dinosaur that just escaped the Lost World and people are like "I thought you were extinct". I feel that way about my attitudes on marriage and fidelity too, although I like to think other people believe in those things as well.
Anyway, so how does someone actually meet people? How do you let them know you are on the market? How do you ever get anywhere? I get the whole "kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince" thing, but where do you find the frogs?
Maybe it's like a quest, when the time is right you find the way. I don't know. Where is the instruction book for life? Why are there billions of self-help books and yet still nobody knows how to get through life without wandering around like a lost child? Maybe the wandering is the point? Maybe. Maybe it's too late at night for me to wax philosophical. I think I'm confusing myself now.
Maybe you just walk along the edge of the pool, wanting to dip your toe in, until suddenly someone comes along and pushes you and you are in, gasping for breath, stroking along, and realizing the water is wonderful.
In that case, someone come along and push me. I'm ready to learn how to swim with the fishes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
